(2Nephi 2:11)I never thought I would be grateful for opposition. I am though, really, I am. I don't believe I have been through the most intense trials that others have experienced, but I know I have been through my own that have at times brought me to me knees with great feelings of despair. Because I have felt those things and experienced such opposition I am stronger and it has brought me more happiness. I can honestly say that at this time in my life I am more satisfied and happy than I have ever been before. I believe it because I can better recognize what greatness I have in it, what blessings there are and I have grown with gratitude for the smaller and more important things I have. I judge less harshly, I forgive faster and I have more empathy for others because of what I have experienced in life. I know there is more to come, more opposition, more stretching and pain and more growth and happiness. I have learned that I need to welcome the opposition and bear it gracefully because it truly is for my own good.
I love verse 13 where is speaks of opposition and why it must exist. "And if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all the things must have vanished away." I just feel like this makes so much sense. It is yet more evidence, not that I require any more evidence, but it is just more to show that God lives, He is real and nothing would be here if He did not exist. After this verse Lehi bears testimony that there is a God. I sometimes think it is my favorite part of a person's testimony when they testify of God and our Savior. It is so powerful and really speaks to me when I hear it. It just reinforces what I already know and makes that knowledge more powerful.
Verse 16 is another that just makes sense when I read it. It is speaking of opposition again. "Wherefore, the Lord god gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other." So of course we would need opposition. How could we develop character without it. How could we have choice. It is a blessing that we can choose to be righteous or not, to bear our burdens gracefully or not, to love or not love. If we didn't have that choice we would be living Satan's plan. I have friends that have said to me, "I just think that if there was a God He wouldn't let people suffer with cancer or other horrible things." Because there is a God He allows us to suffer through illness, through hardship, through rejection. He allowed our Savior to suffer through all of it, even all our sins. Because He loves us he allows us that choice. We could not feel happiness or feel at all without choice. If we cannot experience those feelings and emotions, if could not have experience we cannot grow and we would never become like our Father in Heaven. As I am typing this out it just continues to make more and more sense to me. I mean this is all stuff I understood, but I somehow feel it deeper this time around. I feel really motivated right now to really embrace my struggles and really handle them gracefully. For me right now that means being a more loving and gentle mother! That is my greatest struggle right now. Hopefully I will remember this feeling tomorrow morning when I am woken up and tomorrow evening when it is obvious that my children are tired and hungry or in the afternoon when they really crave some good attention! Anyone want to remind me? Just kidding.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Rewards for our trials
In chapter 2 of 2 Nephi in verse 2 I was touched immediately. Lehi is still alive and speaking to his other son Jacob. He says, "Nevertheless, Jacob, my firstborn in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for they gain." Before this verse Lehi mentions how Jacob was his first born during his time of tribulation when they fled Jerusalem. I was touched because it was a good reminder to me that I must always endure my afflictions and I must endure them gracefully because I will be blessed from it. I think I will feel regret in my life if I cannot endure my trials gracefully. I will feel weak and weak in my faith. I do endure my trials, but I cannot say that I endure them gracefully yet. I will feel really good when I can conquer that. If you think about past trials and think of how you endured it are you happy or embarrassed. I have both feelings. At times I have done well, others...not so much. In the following verses Lehi focuses on Jacob's redemption and what he has been blessed with. I like the positive tone of what he says. I need to remember to speak to my children and husband often about the good things in our lives, the good they have done and the gratitude I have for them and for my Savior.
Lehi continues to speak of salvation and redemtion. Verse 8 was powerful to me. "Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth..." He was speaking of the Holy Messiah and redemtion that comes through Him. I sometimes have moments when its like that lightbulb turns on I really do realize how important it is to share the gospel with others. It is our duty, it is God's will and everyone must have an opportunity to choose to accept it. I usually go throughout my day not actually thinking of how I might share the gospel, except for when I pray. But I guess just because I pray about opportunities to share the gospel and just because I pray for the missionaries to be able to share the gospel, doesn't mean that much is going to happen if I am not thinking about it throughout the day. How does one receive inspiration or feel led by the Spirit when it is not being pondered or thought about. My next question to myself is, How do I get myself to think about it with a 4 year old and a 1 year old? I know it can be done because I see how thoughtful others are in their efforts to not only share the gospel, but to serve others. I just am not sure how they exactly get there. Maybe there is an adjustment that I need to make in my life and what I think about, kind of like I did as a missionary. I had to adjust from thinking about my everyday cares to focusing on missionary work. I might have to think about this for a little bit, because I think there is probably a certain balance that is required so that family needs are not neglected.
Speaking of family needs, I should stop here. There is a house that needs cleaning and my children are sleeping.
Lehi continues to speak of salvation and redemtion. Verse 8 was powerful to me. "Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth..." He was speaking of the Holy Messiah and redemtion that comes through Him. I sometimes have moments when its like that lightbulb turns on I really do realize how important it is to share the gospel with others. It is our duty, it is God's will and everyone must have an opportunity to choose to accept it. I usually go throughout my day not actually thinking of how I might share the gospel, except for when I pray. But I guess just because I pray about opportunities to share the gospel and just because I pray for the missionaries to be able to share the gospel, doesn't mean that much is going to happen if I am not thinking about it throughout the day. How does one receive inspiration or feel led by the Spirit when it is not being pondered or thought about. My next question to myself is, How do I get myself to think about it with a 4 year old and a 1 year old? I know it can be done because I see how thoughtful others are in their efforts to not only share the gospel, but to serve others. I just am not sure how they exactly get there. Maybe there is an adjustment that I need to make in my life and what I think about, kind of like I did as a missionary. I had to adjust from thinking about my everyday cares to focusing on missionary work. I might have to think about this for a little bit, because I think there is probably a certain balance that is required so that family needs are not neglected.
Speaking of family needs, I should stop here. There is a house that needs cleaning and my children are sleeping.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
2 Nephi
This time it was my fault. I fell out of routine. So annoying when I do that. But I am determined to get on track and be diligent. This is pretty typical for me. Usually once I finish 1 Nephi I start to fizzle out a little, not sure why, but I do.
I love the first chapter of 2 Nephi. I think it is easy to feel the emotion of Lehi as he speaks to his children knowing that he will soon die. When I read his words I feel I he feels glory in knowing he has lived a good life(verse 15, "...the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.", but he also feels sorrow or maybe torment for the lives of his rebellious sons(verse 17,"My heart hath been weighed down with sorrow from time to time, for I have feared, lest for the hardness of your hearts the Lord your God should come out in the fulness of his wrath upon you, that ye be cut off and destroyed forever; 18-Or, that a cursing should come upon you for the space of many generations; and ye are visited by sword, and by famine, and are hated, and are led according to the will and captivity of the devil". So I think if my parents said those things to me I would feel a little freaked out, but I wonder if they ever felt that strongly for my salvation. I wasn't quite so rebellious as Laman and Lemuel so I am thinking maybe they didn't worry as strongly, but I do still think they worry for the smaller things in my life and that of my sisters. I can understand that feeling a little, although my children are young, I still feel the panic or sorrow when I see them making decisions that I know will result in sadness. I hate watching it. Sometimes I intervene too much, but sometimes I allow it to happen because I know they need to have experiences to learn, but it doesn't make watching it any easier. I can't imagine what would be felt if I knew I was dying and soon to be gone.
Verse 23 is a great one, he says, "Awake, my sons; put on the armor of righteousness. Shake off the chains with which ye are bound, and come forth out of obscurity, and arise from the dust." I think the words are powerful. It is like he is literally shaking them awake with his words. I think it is amazing when I see that people have the ability to find the right words and put them together to create something powerful with such great feeling. It is my weakness, but I am happy to read and hear from others that have the gift. I think Lehi has that gift from the Lord, crazy that it didn't work so well on Laman and Lemuel.
Following this verse Lehi speaks of Nephi and how righteous he has been. I totally would love to be as Nephi to know that I have lived in a way to make my parents that proud and happy. To give that sort of relief and also to know that I have lived well.
So question time, in verse 28 and 29 Lehi speaks of his "first blessing" "And now my son, Laman and also Lemuel and Sam, and also my sons who are the sons of Ishmael, behold, if ye will hearken unto the voice of Nephi ye shall not perish. And if ye will hearken unto him I leave unto you a blessing, yea, even my first blessing. But if ye will not hearken unto him I take away my first blessing, yea, even my blessing, and it shall rest upon him." I think it shows that it is the Birthright maybe, but what exactly does that mean? And does he give that to all the sons, I was thinking that the birthright was just something that went to the oldest child.
At the end Lehi speaks to Zoram and tells him that he knows he is a "true friend" to Nephi forever. He tells him that because of his faithfulness his see shall be blessed. When we are true friends and help the work of the Lord and support our leaders and Prophet we are also securing blessings for ourselves and our posterity. That gives me great comfort because I know I have many faults and weaknesses, I am not the most talented in ways of parenting and other things, but to know that through my faithfulness I can secure blessings for my children and theirs as well that maybe that can help make up for what I may do wrong in raising them and teaching them. Its not an excuse to not to well, but it is a comfort that maybe my shortcomings can be made up by blessings because I am trying and working to be righteous. I guess that gives me even more incentive to be really good and obedient!
I think that this chapter was very touching, to feel Lehi's emotion as he spoke to his children and friends. I think it makes it easier to relate to him, I can feel what he says but I can also understand my parents feelings better as well. My mom's words always "haunt" me because she really kind of is always right and she ALWAYS made sure that I knew she was and that I would see it someday. But she always used the common phrase, "you will understand when you have your own kids." And so it is true, again she is always right....so annoying!
My favorite verse of the chapter was 15, I will repeat it, "But behold, the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory , and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love." May we all live the kind of life where we can know that the Lord has redeemed us and that we are encirlced in the arms of his love. I can't think of anything more comforting than this.
I love the first chapter of 2 Nephi. I think it is easy to feel the emotion of Lehi as he speaks to his children knowing that he will soon die. When I read his words I feel I he feels glory in knowing he has lived a good life(verse 15, "...the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.", but he also feels sorrow or maybe torment for the lives of his rebellious sons(verse 17,"My heart hath been weighed down with sorrow from time to time, for I have feared, lest for the hardness of your hearts the Lord your God should come out in the fulness of his wrath upon you, that ye be cut off and destroyed forever; 18-Or, that a cursing should come upon you for the space of many generations; and ye are visited by sword, and by famine, and are hated, and are led according to the will and captivity of the devil". So I think if my parents said those things to me I would feel a little freaked out, but I wonder if they ever felt that strongly for my salvation. I wasn't quite so rebellious as Laman and Lemuel so I am thinking maybe they didn't worry as strongly, but I do still think they worry for the smaller things in my life and that of my sisters. I can understand that feeling a little, although my children are young, I still feel the panic or sorrow when I see them making decisions that I know will result in sadness. I hate watching it. Sometimes I intervene too much, but sometimes I allow it to happen because I know they need to have experiences to learn, but it doesn't make watching it any easier. I can't imagine what would be felt if I knew I was dying and soon to be gone.
Verse 23 is a great one, he says, "Awake, my sons; put on the armor of righteousness. Shake off the chains with which ye are bound, and come forth out of obscurity, and arise from the dust." I think the words are powerful. It is like he is literally shaking them awake with his words. I think it is amazing when I see that people have the ability to find the right words and put them together to create something powerful with such great feeling. It is my weakness, but I am happy to read and hear from others that have the gift. I think Lehi has that gift from the Lord, crazy that it didn't work so well on Laman and Lemuel.
Following this verse Lehi speaks of Nephi and how righteous he has been. I totally would love to be as Nephi to know that I have lived in a way to make my parents that proud and happy. To give that sort of relief and also to know that I have lived well.
So question time, in verse 28 and 29 Lehi speaks of his "first blessing" "And now my son, Laman and also Lemuel and Sam, and also my sons who are the sons of Ishmael, behold, if ye will hearken unto the voice of Nephi ye shall not perish. And if ye will hearken unto him I leave unto you a blessing, yea, even my first blessing. But if ye will not hearken unto him I take away my first blessing, yea, even my blessing, and it shall rest upon him." I think it shows that it is the Birthright maybe, but what exactly does that mean? And does he give that to all the sons, I was thinking that the birthright was just something that went to the oldest child.
At the end Lehi speaks to Zoram and tells him that he knows he is a "true friend" to Nephi forever. He tells him that because of his faithfulness his see shall be blessed. When we are true friends and help the work of the Lord and support our leaders and Prophet we are also securing blessings for ourselves and our posterity. That gives me great comfort because I know I have many faults and weaknesses, I am not the most talented in ways of parenting and other things, but to know that through my faithfulness I can secure blessings for my children and theirs as well that maybe that can help make up for what I may do wrong in raising them and teaching them. Its not an excuse to not to well, but it is a comfort that maybe my shortcomings can be made up by blessings because I am trying and working to be righteous. I guess that gives me even more incentive to be really good and obedient!
I think that this chapter was very touching, to feel Lehi's emotion as he spoke to his children and friends. I think it makes it easier to relate to him, I can feel what he says but I can also understand my parents feelings better as well. My mom's words always "haunt" me because she really kind of is always right and she ALWAYS made sure that I knew she was and that I would see it someday. But she always used the common phrase, "you will understand when you have your own kids." And so it is true, again she is always right....so annoying!
My favorite verse of the chapter was 15, I will repeat it, "But behold, the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory , and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love." May we all live the kind of life where we can know that the Lord has redeemed us and that we are encirlced in the arms of his love. I can't think of anything more comforting than this.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
frustrated
So after getting the computer fixed last time we ended up losing power and internet. Our power was restored the same day, but our internet was out for several days. We have it now, but I feel like I am so thrown off schedule now. Today is a crazy day, I will study, but here is how it is going to work. I have to prepare for a meeting tonight, then take kids to soccer practice and then come home feed them and put them to bed and leave for my meeting. Once I get home my husband will probably be sleeping already because he has to work early in the morning and he has been really sick. Maybe him being sick threw me off schedule too, who knows, so I don't know if I will be able to write today, but I wanted to let everyone know I didn't quit, I am not being lazy, I am just having weird things throw me off schedule. Maybe I am about to make some incredible break through in my learning and Satan is preventing it...or maybe I am not prioritizing correctly, but not blogging while studying has made me notice that it helps me to write while I study. I can record my thoughts faster. I miss it and I will be back to it.
Monday, October 5, 2009
The end of 1 Nephi
I just want to say that our computer has been out of commission for a few days, and then it was a little hard to get back on track. But I am here and back on track. I LOVED General Conference over the weekend. It was amazing. The thing that hit me strongest was when President Monson spoke about service. It made me think about who I am serving and how I can serve more and who and how I should be serving that I am not. If you haven't seen General Conference you can watch it online at http://www.lds.org/.
So 1 Nephi has ended with chapter 22. I am past there now, but I want to write a few things from that chapter that stood out to me. Verse 17 says, "Wherefore, he will preserve the righteous by his power, even if it so be that the fulness of his wrath must come, and the righteous be preserved, even unto the destruction of their enemies by fire. Wherefore, the righteous need not fear; for thus saith the prophet, they shall be saved, even if it so be as by fire." Ok, I just think this confirms which team I want to be on. After listening to our Prophet, President Monson, speak I feel like when I read the words of the Book of Mormon prophets or the Bible prophets I can feel their strength even more. The Spirit has spoken to these men of God to lead us and prepare us and if we will listen and obey we will be preserved. The Lord has said it. Verse 20, "And the Lord will surely prepare a way for his people, unto the fulfilling of the words of Moses, which he spake,, saying: A prophet shall the Lord your God raise up unto you, like unto me; him shall ye hear in all things whatsoever he shall say unto you. And it shall come to pass that all those who will not hear that prophet shall be cut off from among the people. (21) And now I, Nephi declare unto you, that this prophet of whom Moses spake was the Holy One of Israel; wherefore, he shall execute judgment in righteousness." When I read these words I realize I have a lot to work on, but I do not have great fear because I do know I am trying to do what the Lord wants. If I knew He would be here today I would probably do more things like visit a whole bunch of sick people and preach the gospel in a greater capacity....but I know that I should have those feelings in my heart daily, not just as a result of panic:) So there would be some fear or embarrassment I think, I don't know how I would be able to get over that. I guess by doing much better! I think my greater fear would be for people I know that do not have the gospel and that I haven't been more diligently sharing. Its a hard thing to know how much you should be sharing so that the Spirit is felt and it doesn't feel pushy or scary. When I say it's a hard thing does that make me sound like Laman and Lemuel? Anyways, I am thinking of good friends I have had that know my beliefs but I haven't had great success in sharing the gospel with them. I fear for them and that maybe I didn't do enough to bring the gospel to them. Most of these people do not live near me. Do you think just mere contact through emails and blogs is enough? I do not want to face the misery of thinking that I didn't do for someone what I was supposed to do.
Verse 26, "And because of the righteousness of his people, Satan has no power;" I remember learning at church that if we will be righteous we take away Satan's power. It is only us who actually gives him the power. I love knowing that and I hate it at the same time. I love knowing that I, with my Savior, have the power to take away Satan's power. I hate knowing that when I have fallen into temptation, no matter how small, that it was me who gave Satan that power over me. There is no one to blame...there is no innocence in those moments, but thankfully there is repentance and forgiveness!
The last few verses Nephi testifies, it again reminds me of our current Prophet and apostles. They testify to us so that we will know the truth of all things and so that we know TODAY what direction we are to go in. I think it is amazing how their words can touch each and everyone of us in exactly the way we need it. Verses 30-31, "Wherefore, my brethren, I would that ye should consider that the things which have been written upon the plates of brass are true; and they testify that a man must be obedient to the commandments of God. Wherefore, ye need not suppose that I and my father are the only ones that have testified, and also taught them. Wherefore, if ye shall be obedient to the commandments and endure to the end, ye shall be saved at the last day. And thus it is. Amen." I love the last words, "And thus it is" It is just a very commanding statement. He is just saying, so here it is, it is what it is. This is truth, no "if" "ands" or "buts". Be obedient and endure, that is just it.
So 1 Nephi has ended with chapter 22. I am past there now, but I want to write a few things from that chapter that stood out to me. Verse 17 says, "Wherefore, he will preserve the righteous by his power, even if it so be that the fulness of his wrath must come, and the righteous be preserved, even unto the destruction of their enemies by fire. Wherefore, the righteous need not fear; for thus saith the prophet, they shall be saved, even if it so be as by fire." Ok, I just think this confirms which team I want to be on. After listening to our Prophet, President Monson, speak I feel like when I read the words of the Book of Mormon prophets or the Bible prophets I can feel their strength even more. The Spirit has spoken to these men of God to lead us and prepare us and if we will listen and obey we will be preserved. The Lord has said it. Verse 20, "And the Lord will surely prepare a way for his people, unto the fulfilling of the words of Moses, which he spake,, saying: A prophet shall the Lord your God raise up unto you, like unto me; him shall ye hear in all things whatsoever he shall say unto you. And it shall come to pass that all those who will not hear that prophet shall be cut off from among the people. (21) And now I, Nephi declare unto you, that this prophet of whom Moses spake was the Holy One of Israel; wherefore, he shall execute judgment in righteousness." When I read these words I realize I have a lot to work on, but I do not have great fear because I do know I am trying to do what the Lord wants. If I knew He would be here today I would probably do more things like visit a whole bunch of sick people and preach the gospel in a greater capacity....but I know that I should have those feelings in my heart daily, not just as a result of panic:) So there would be some fear or embarrassment I think, I don't know how I would be able to get over that. I guess by doing much better! I think my greater fear would be for people I know that do not have the gospel and that I haven't been more diligently sharing. Its a hard thing to know how much you should be sharing so that the Spirit is felt and it doesn't feel pushy or scary. When I say it's a hard thing does that make me sound like Laman and Lemuel? Anyways, I am thinking of good friends I have had that know my beliefs but I haven't had great success in sharing the gospel with them. I fear for them and that maybe I didn't do enough to bring the gospel to them. Most of these people do not live near me. Do you think just mere contact through emails and blogs is enough? I do not want to face the misery of thinking that I didn't do for someone what I was supposed to do.
Verse 26, "And because of the righteousness of his people, Satan has no power;" I remember learning at church that if we will be righteous we take away Satan's power. It is only us who actually gives him the power. I love knowing that and I hate it at the same time. I love knowing that I, with my Savior, have the power to take away Satan's power. I hate knowing that when I have fallen into temptation, no matter how small, that it was me who gave Satan that power over me. There is no one to blame...there is no innocence in those moments, but thankfully there is repentance and forgiveness!
The last few verses Nephi testifies, it again reminds me of our current Prophet and apostles. They testify to us so that we will know the truth of all things and so that we know TODAY what direction we are to go in. I think it is amazing how their words can touch each and everyone of us in exactly the way we need it. Verses 30-31, "Wherefore, my brethren, I would that ye should consider that the things which have been written upon the plates of brass are true; and they testify that a man must be obedient to the commandments of God. Wherefore, ye need not suppose that I and my father are the only ones that have testified, and also taught them. Wherefore, if ye shall be obedient to the commandments and endure to the end, ye shall be saved at the last day. And thus it is. Amen." I love the last words, "And thus it is" It is just a very commanding statement. He is just saying, so here it is, it is what it is. This is truth, no "if" "ands" or "buts". Be obedient and endure, that is just it.
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