For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things.

(2Nephi 2:11)I never thought I would be grateful for opposition. I am though, really, I am. I don't believe I have been through the most intense trials that others have experienced, but I know I have been through my own that have at times brought me to me knees with great feelings of despair. Because I have felt those things and experienced such opposition I am stronger and it has brought me more happiness. I can honestly say that at this time in my life I am more satisfied and happy than I have ever been before. I believe it because I can better recognize what greatness I have in it, what blessings there are and I have grown with gratitude for the smaller and more important things I have. I judge less harshly, I forgive faster and I have more empathy for others because of what I have experienced in life. I know there is more to come, more opposition, more stretching and pain and more growth and happiness. I have learned that I need to welcome the opposition and bear it gracefully because it truly is for my own good.

I love verse 13 where is speaks of opposition and why it must exist. "And if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all the things must have vanished away." I just feel like this makes so much sense. It is yet more evidence, not that I require any more evidence, but it is just more to show that God lives, He is real and nothing would be here if He did not exist. After this verse Lehi bears testimony that there is a God. I sometimes think it is my favorite part of a person's testimony when they testify of God and our Savior. It is so powerful and really speaks to me when I hear it. It just reinforces what I already know and makes that knowledge more powerful.

Verse 16 is another that just makes sense when I read it. It is speaking of opposition again. "Wherefore, the Lord god gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other." So of course we would need opposition. How could we develop character without it. How could we have choice. It is a blessing that we can choose to be righteous or not, to bear our burdens gracefully or not, to love or not love. If we didn't have that choice we would be living Satan's plan. I have friends that have said to me, "I just think that if there was a God He wouldn't let people suffer with cancer or other horrible things." Because there is a God He allows us to suffer through illness, through hardship, through rejection. He allowed our Savior to suffer through all of it, even all our sins. Because He loves us he allows us that choice. We could not feel happiness or feel at all without choice. If we cannot experience those feelings and emotions, if could not have experience we cannot grow and we would never become like our Father in Heaven. As I am typing this out it just continues to make more and more sense to me. I mean this is all stuff I understood, but I somehow feel it deeper this time around. I feel really motivated right now to really embrace my struggles and really handle them gracefully. For me right now that means being a more loving and gentle mother! That is my greatest struggle right now. Hopefully I will remember this feeling tomorrow morning when I am woken up and tomorrow evening when it is obvious that my children are tired and hungry or in the afternoon when they really crave some good attention! Anyone want to remind me? Just kidding.

Rewards for our trials

In chapter 2 of 2 Nephi in verse 2 I was touched immediately. Lehi is still alive and speaking to his other son Jacob. He says, "Nevertheless, Jacob, my firstborn in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for they gain." Before this verse Lehi mentions how Jacob was his first born during his time of tribulation when they fled Jerusalem. I was touched because it was a good reminder to me that I must always endure my afflictions and I must endure them gracefully because I will be blessed from it. I think I will feel regret in my life if I cannot endure my trials gracefully. I will feel weak and weak in my faith. I do endure my trials, but I cannot say that I endure them gracefully yet. I will feel really good when I can conquer that. If you think about past trials and think of how you endured it are you happy or embarrassed. I have both feelings. At times I have done well, others...not so much. In the following verses Lehi focuses on Jacob's redemption and what he has been blessed with. I like the positive tone of what he says. I need to remember to speak to my children and husband often about the good things in our lives, the good they have done and the gratitude I have for them and for my Savior.

Lehi continues to speak of salvation and redemtion. Verse 8 was powerful to me. "Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth..." He was speaking of the Holy Messiah and redemtion that comes through Him. I sometimes have moments when its like that lightbulb turns on I really do realize how important it is to share the gospel with others. It is our duty, it is God's will and everyone must have an opportunity to choose to accept it. I usually go throughout my day not actually thinking of how I might share the gospel, except for when I pray. But I guess just because I pray about opportunities to share the gospel and just because I pray for the missionaries to be able to share the gospel, doesn't mean that much is going to happen if I am not thinking about it throughout the day. How does one receive inspiration or feel led by the Spirit when it is not being pondered or thought about. My next question to myself is, How do I get myself to think about it with a 4 year old and a 1 year old? I know it can be done because I see how thoughtful others are in their efforts to not only share the gospel, but to serve others. I just am not sure how they exactly get there. Maybe there is an adjustment that I need to make in my life and what I think about, kind of like I did as a missionary. I had to adjust from thinking about my everyday cares to focusing on missionary work. I might have to think about this for a little bit, because I think there is probably a certain balance that is required so that family needs are not neglected.

Speaking of family needs, I should stop here. There is a house that needs cleaning and my children are sleeping.

2 Nephi

This time it was my fault. I fell out of routine. So annoying when I do that. But I am determined to get on track and be diligent. This is pretty typical for me. Usually once I finish 1 Nephi I start to fizzle out a little, not sure why, but I do.

I love the first chapter of 2 Nephi. I think it is easy to feel the emotion of Lehi as he speaks to his children knowing that he will soon die. When I read his words I feel I he feels glory in knowing he has lived a good life(verse 15, "...the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.", but he also feels sorrow or maybe torment for the lives of his rebellious sons(verse 17,"My heart hath been weighed down with sorrow from time to time, for I have feared, lest for the hardness of your hearts the Lord your God should come out in the fulness of his wrath upon you, that ye be cut off and destroyed forever; 18-Or, that a cursing should come upon you for the space of many generations; and ye are visited by sword, and by famine, and are hated, and are led according to the will and captivity of the devil". So I think if my parents said those things to me I would feel a little freaked out, but I wonder if they ever felt that strongly for my salvation. I wasn't quite so rebellious as Laman and Lemuel so I am thinking maybe they didn't worry as strongly, but I do still think they worry for the smaller things in my life and that of my sisters. I can understand that feeling a little, although my children are young, I still feel the panic or sorrow when I see them making decisions that I know will result in sadness. I hate watching it. Sometimes I intervene too much, but sometimes I allow it to happen because I know they need to have experiences to learn, but it doesn't make watching it any easier. I can't imagine what would be felt if I knew I was dying and soon to be gone.

Verse 23 is a great one, he says, "Awake, my sons; put on the armor of righteousness. Shake off the chains with which ye are bound, and come forth out of obscurity, and arise from the dust." I think the words are powerful. It is like he is literally shaking them awake with his words. I think it is amazing when I see that people have the ability to find the right words and put them together to create something powerful with such great feeling. It is my weakness, but I am happy to read and hear from others that have the gift. I think Lehi has that gift from the Lord, crazy that it didn't work so well on Laman and Lemuel.

Following this verse Lehi speaks of Nephi and how righteous he has been. I totally would love to be as Nephi to know that I have lived in a way to make my parents that proud and happy. To give that sort of relief and also to know that I have lived well.

So question time, in verse 28 and 29 Lehi speaks of his "first blessing" "And now my son, Laman and also Lemuel and Sam, and also my sons who are the sons of Ishmael, behold, if ye will hearken unto the voice of Nephi ye shall not perish. And if ye will hearken unto him I leave unto you a blessing, yea, even my first blessing. But if ye will not hearken unto him I take away my first blessing, yea, even my blessing, and it shall rest upon him." I think it shows that it is the Birthright maybe, but what exactly does that mean? And does he give that to all the sons, I was thinking that the birthright was just something that went to the oldest child.

At the end Lehi speaks to Zoram and tells him that he knows he is a "true friend" to Nephi forever. He tells him that because of his faithfulness his see shall be blessed. When we are true friends and help the work of the Lord and support our leaders and Prophet we are also securing blessings for ourselves and our posterity. That gives me great comfort because I know I have many faults and weaknesses, I am not the most talented in ways of parenting and other things, but to know that through my faithfulness I can secure blessings for my children and theirs as well that maybe that can help make up for what I may do wrong in raising them and teaching them. Its not an excuse to not to well, but it is a comfort that maybe my shortcomings can be made up by blessings because I am trying and working to be righteous. I guess that gives me even more incentive to be really good and obedient!

I think that this chapter was very touching, to feel Lehi's emotion as he spoke to his children and friends. I think it makes it easier to relate to him, I can feel what he says but I can also understand my parents feelings better as well. My mom's words always "haunt" me because she really kind of is always right and she ALWAYS made sure that I knew she was and that I would see it someday. But she always used the common phrase, "you will understand when you have your own kids." And so it is true, again she is always right....so annoying!

My favorite verse of the chapter was 15, I will repeat it, "But behold, the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory , and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love." May we all live the kind of life where we can know that the Lord has redeemed us and that we are encirlced in the arms of his love. I can't think of anything more comforting than this.

frustrated

So after getting the computer fixed last time we ended up losing power and internet. Our power was restored the same day, but our internet was out for several days. We have it now, but I feel like I am so thrown off schedule now. Today is a crazy day, I will study, but here is how it is going to work. I have to prepare for a meeting tonight, then take kids to soccer practice and then come home feed them and put them to bed and leave for my meeting. Once I get home my husband will probably be sleeping already because he has to work early in the morning and he has been really sick. Maybe him being sick threw me off schedule too, who knows, so I don't know if I will be able to write today, but I wanted to let everyone know I didn't quit, I am not being lazy, I am just having weird things throw me off schedule. Maybe I am about to make some incredible break through in my learning and Satan is preventing it...or maybe I am not prioritizing correctly, but not blogging while studying has made me notice that it helps me to write while I study. I can record my thoughts faster. I miss it and I will be back to it.

The end of 1 Nephi

I just want to say that our computer has been out of commission for a few days, and then it was a little hard to get back on track. But I am here and back on track. I LOVED General Conference over the weekend. It was amazing. The thing that hit me strongest was when President Monson spoke about service. It made me think about who I am serving and how I can serve more and who and how I should be serving that I am not. If you haven't seen General Conference you can watch it online at http://www.lds.org/.



So 1 Nephi has ended with chapter 22. I am past there now, but I want to write a few things from that chapter that stood out to me. Verse 17 says, "Wherefore, he will preserve the righteous by his power, even if it so be that the fulness of his wrath must come, and the righteous be preserved, even unto the destruction of their enemies by fire. Wherefore, the righteous need not fear; for thus saith the prophet, they shall be saved, even if it so be as by fire." Ok, I just think this confirms which team I want to be on. After listening to our Prophet, President Monson, speak I feel like when I read the words of the Book of Mormon prophets or the Bible prophets I can feel their strength even more. The Spirit has spoken to these men of God to lead us and prepare us and if we will listen and obey we will be preserved. The Lord has said it. Verse 20, "And the Lord will surely prepare a way for his people, unto the fulfilling of the words of Moses, which he spake,, saying: A prophet shall the Lord your God raise up unto you, like unto me; him shall ye hear in all things whatsoever he shall say unto you. And it shall come to pass that all those who will not hear that prophet shall be cut off from among the people. (21) And now I, Nephi declare unto you, that this prophet of whom Moses spake was the Holy One of Israel; wherefore, he shall execute judgment in righteousness." When I read these words I realize I have a lot to work on, but I do not have great fear because I do know I am trying to do what the Lord wants. If I knew He would be here today I would probably do more things like visit a whole bunch of sick people and preach the gospel in a greater capacity....but I know that I should have those feelings in my heart daily, not just as a result of panic:) So there would be some fear or embarrassment I think, I don't know how I would be able to get over that. I guess by doing much better! I think my greater fear would be for people I know that do not have the gospel and that I haven't been more diligently sharing. Its a hard thing to know how much you should be sharing so that the Spirit is felt and it doesn't feel pushy or scary. When I say it's a hard thing does that make me sound like Laman and Lemuel? Anyways, I am thinking of good friends I have had that know my beliefs but I haven't had great success in sharing the gospel with them. I fear for them and that maybe I didn't do enough to bring the gospel to them. Most of these people do not live near me. Do you think just mere contact through emails and blogs is enough? I do not want to face the misery of thinking that I didn't do for someone what I was supposed to do.

Verse 26, "And because of the righteousness of his people, Satan has no power;" I remember learning at church that if we will be righteous we take away Satan's power. It is only us who actually gives him the power. I love knowing that and I hate it at the same time. I love knowing that I, with my Savior, have the power to take away Satan's power. I hate knowing that when I have fallen into temptation, no matter how small, that it was me who gave Satan that power over me. There is no one to blame...there is no innocence in those moments, but thankfully there is repentance and forgiveness!

The last few verses Nephi testifies, it again reminds me of our current Prophet and apostles. They testify to us so that we will know the truth of all things and so that we know TODAY what direction we are to go in. I think it is amazing how their words can touch each and everyone of us in exactly the way we need it. Verses 30-31, "Wherefore, my brethren, I would that ye should consider that the things which have been written upon the plates of brass are true; and they testify that a man must be obedient to the commandments of God. Wherefore, ye need not suppose that I and my father are the only ones that have testified, and also taught them. Wherefore, if ye shall be obedient to the commandments and endure to the end, ye shall be saved at the last day. And thus it is. Amen." I love the last words, "And thus it is" It is just a very commanding statement. He is just saying, so here it is, it is what it is. This is truth, no "if" "ands" or "buts". Be obedient and endure, that is just it.

No questions are stupid...right?

Ok, so now I am reading Chapter 21 of 1 Nephi. Who is speaking here? Is this Nephi quoting scripture from Isaiah? I realize that I should know, but I feel confused and I am not sure that I can move on until I understand who is speaking. In verse 2 it says, "And he that made my mouth like a sharp sword; in the shadow of his hand hath he hid me, and made me a polished shaft; in his quiver hath he hid me;" So who is this speaking? Who's mouth was made like a sharp sword? Please tell me.

compare Isaiah 48

So I know it is just me feeling intimidated because everyone talks about Isaiah like it is so important and difficult. I totally bought into and now I guess I get to undo it. So Chapter 20 in 1 Nephi compares ti Isaiah 48. I haven't read that yet, but I will probably do that tomorrow. There are 2 verses that stood out to me. verse 10, "For, behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." I think this one stuck out to me because I feel like this is a lesson that I understand...hopefully. I know that when we are going through trials and affliction it is for our own good. I believe in that greatly. I don't always love it, but I realize that as a truth. I like how the scripture says it is how we are getting refined, well whoever the Lord was speaking to at the time, but it applies to us as well. We do get refined by our trials because they force us to search for peace, they inspire me to be better, and most importantly they humble us so that we can turn to the Lord and remember Him and all His love. The more we can have those opportunities the more refined we will become. So, unfortunately trials and affliction are a good thing. It is also a good example to how we can help our children build character. We need to let them suffer through trials as well so that they can grow and learn and become refined. If I can do a good job building a relationship with my children then they will remember my love and be humbled and come to me for help. I hope I can do that. I know many times that I have remembered the love of my parents and humbled myself to go to them during my time of need. I am so thankful that they have always loved me and taught me that I need to ask them for help when I need it. They always made sure I knew that they are there for me.

The last verse in this chapter says, "And notwithstanding he hath done all this, and greater also, there is no peace, saith the Lord, unto the wicked." So don't be wicked...you won't have any peace. Nothing fancy, just a really good reminder...wicked=no peace. Who would want that?

Getting Nervous

So I am getting nervous. I am getting nervous because we are getting closer to the Isaiah chapters. There will be a few in 1 Nephi AND THEN MORE MORE MORE in 2 Nephi. I know some people LOVE these chapters, but they intimidate me. My mind doesn't quite work in the way they are written, but I have HIGH HOPES that this time around I will be patient and that everyone else will help me. But enough of my fears, more on 1 Nephi chapter 19.

Verse 17 says, yea, and all the earth shall see the salvation of the Lord, saith the prophet; every nation, kindred, tongue and people shall be blessed." Here Nephi is writing of the more sacred things and is making a record of what he knows of the Lord. After he has told of how the world will judge the Savior and scourge him and smite him and spit upon him he talks of how the earth shall see the salvation of the Lord. I skipped a lot in the middle there, but this scripture I love and it stood out to me. Nephi mentions this that he has learned from another prophet, Zenos. I love it when Nephi speaks of other prophets because again, it shows how the Lord works. How the Lord teaches us through our prophets. That hasn't changed, it is still the same and I love that He still blesses us with a living prophet to guide us. I think anytime I read about the Savior and his salvation being shown I feel joy inside. There is so much love that can be felt in learning of His love and the salvation that is there for us to take. After this verse Nephi says, "And I, Nephi, have written these things unto my people that perhaps I might persuade them that they would remember the Lord their Redeemer." (v.18) I love this as well. When I read the scriptures I sometimes can just feel the love from these prophets of old. They wrote these records with so much love and energy for their posterity, for us. The whole purpose of him writing all this is to persuade us to remember the Lord, our Redeemer. How many times do we ourselves say things to persuade others towards something we feel is important? I know my parents have said much to me my whole life to help me live a good life because they knew what would give me real happiness. I didn't ALWAYS listen, but I am glad I usually did. I feel that anxiousness that I think Nephi feels with my own children. I wonder if they will know what I feel and how important the knowledge that we are children of God and that our Savior lives and that through faith and obedience we will have joy and be redeemed is. Was that a run on sentence? Anyways, I think Nephi feels that same anxiousness and writes and speaks to us with so much energy because he wants to make sure we see the importance of what is in the scriptures. He is constantly bearing his testimony to us of our Savior. That is another learning lesson that I want to incorporate into my life. I want to constantly be bearing my testimony to my children and by the way I interact and live I hope that I will be bearing my testimony to others as well. I don't mean I want to be weird and crazy where I am scaring my family or weirding them out, I just mean that I want to do it more when the Spirit guides me. I just wanted to make that clear, not in a weird crazy way, a good led by the Spirit way.

Verse 23, "And I did read many things unto them which were written in the books of Moses; but that I might more fully persuade them to believe in the Lord their Redeemer I did read unto them that which was written by the prophet Isaiah; for I did liken all the scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning." Again Nephi reads from other records to persuade his brethren to believe in the Lord. I love that. I love the end where he says he "...did liken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning." I feel like that is kind of the only way I know how to study the scriptures is by mostly thinking about how it applies to my own life. I am not so great at the more scholarly type of learning, although maybe one day I will get there. I do love to apply the scriptures to me because it makes them make sense to me. It helps me to see why we have them and why they are so important. When I liken the scriptures to my life well I always finish feeling inspired and motivated to act on my faith more diligently.

Plates of Ore

I have moved on to 1 Nephi 19. This chapter begins by talking about Nephi being commanded to make plates of ore to record the ministry and prophecies, the more plain and precious parts of them. Hopefully I read that correctly. But what I was thinking about was the time and effort of what he was commanded to do. I am simple minded so when I read the scriptures and read about Nephi making these plates I somehow just think of it like pulling out a piece of paper and writing. But I am not dumb, I know that it took a lot more work and effort to do so. Once again, makes me feel tired just thinking of what he may have had to do to make the plates and then on top of that I am sure the word "engrave" doesn't mean writing with a pencil, so that was probably a lot of labor as well. I don't write in my journal as often as I would like to and it is because I just put it off and then the day is over, but for me I have such luxuries like pen and paper or even the computer and it isn't hard to keep a journal. I am just always impressed with Nephi's obedience and diligence. I know those attributes are what bring us the greatest joy in our lives because we know inside ourselves we are doing with is correct. I just want to stop and say that I love Nephi. I love him because he is a true man of God. He is just a man, a man who wants to live a righteous life and has a true love for those around him. He has a deeper understanding of the what the Lord wants and I think the Plan of Salvation. He is courageous and strong and unwavering in his faith. I would love to be a great as this and hope that I will get there.

In verse 7 Nephi says, "for the things which some men esteem to be of great worth, both to the body and soul, others set at naught and trample under their feet. Yea, even the very God of Israel do men trample under their feet; I say , trample under their feet but I would speak in other words--they set him at naught, and hearken not to the voice of his counsels." When I read scriptures like this I think of the men that do not hearken to the the voice of the Lord of like the big time sinners. I think of men that contend with the prophets and are vocal about it and work hard to sway believers away. But the more I have been studying I wonder if this is something I should be more cautious of. When our Prophet gives us counsel am I 100 percent obedient...that is almost impossible for me, so am I what Nephi is talking about? Maybe slightly, I know I have a great desire to be good and to be obedient so I don't think I fall under this category, but I do think that I am weak in some areas and don't take as much care to them. I am not always consistent serving others and I think that is important counsel for our lives and happiness and in becoming more like Christ. I know I need to esteem it as great worth and I hope that me not being as good at it doesn't throw me into this category I don't want to be in. But I guess I can relate it to the weaker areas that I have and recognize that I can change it and hearken to the counsel of the Lord better. I know that maybe I sound hard with recognizing where I go wrong. I know my desires are righteous, I think I am just really searching for improvement. I know I have weaknesses, I don't like them and want to make them strengths. So as I am studying I think this is just how I tend to look at what I am reading. I hope my posts don't seem negative, but positive for the good things we can change to be.

very short comment today

so the last verse of chapter 18 it says, "and it came to pass that we did find upon the land of promise, as we journeyed in the wilderness, that there were beasts in the forests of every kind, both the cow and the ox, and the ass and the horse, and the goat and the wild goat, and all for the use of men..." I know that whatever is written in the scriptures has a purpose and is of great importance. I have always been curious about when they mention specific animals and why that is important. I am still wondering. Can anyone enlighten me? That is what I want to learn about this week.

typos

I was reading back on some of my entries. I am sorry for all my typos. I totally don't proof read...OBVIOUSLY. I try hard to make the time to write, my goal is to write daily but that has proven to be a little difficult, but I am still trying for that. To proof read might be too much for me, so eventhough I am sorry for how bad it reads you will have to just be ok with it.

1 Nephi 18 begins with Nephi's brothers being good and helping him. They had been humbled. When the ship was finished they saw that it was really good and humbled themselves again. Isn't it crazy what a rollercoaster their lives are. In verse 9 it says, "...after we had been driven forth before the wind for the space of many days, behold, my brethren and the sons of Ishmael and also their wives began to make themselves merry, insomuch that they began to dance, and to sing, and to speak with much rudeness, yea, even that they did forget by what power they had been brought thither, yea, they were lifted up unto exceeding rudeness." I was thinking about this. I can imagine that after the ship was done and they were on the sea they probably started to relax a little. They let loose and started to fall into old habits. I have been there. I think it is interesting that Nephi mentions their rudeness. I remember in high school how fun or funny it seemed to be to be rude. I am a totally sarcastic person and knowing my limits with that has been a difficult lesson. I like reading this and seeing that allowing ourselves to be lifted up in rudeness is a sign for us, that we are starting to move in the wrong direction. I think that it is hard to see when we are slowing moving off the path and that it is important to take note of some signs...like rudeness or idleness. These are things we can check ourselves against to make sure we are staying on the right path.

So moving on...Nephi of course gets bound with cords and gets to endure even more abuse from his brothers who have forgotten about what has humbled them. So the Lord shows his strength again by almost swallowing them up in the sea, when they were scared for their lives they released Nephi. Nephi is SO GOOD! His reaction is to praise the Lord and not murmur. I think mine would have been to do something harmful and say some things to Laman and Lemuel!

I was thinking about them sailing in the sea. I bet that was a scary thing. I would not love to sail across the ocean first of all. I would not want to do it in a boat I built. I would not want to go with a bunch of people who don't know where they are going! Their faith is amazing that they did this knowing that the Lord would take them and guide them as long as they were faithful. I wonder how Laman and Lemuel were not afraid to do wrong...I mean obviously their testimony wasn't where it should have been, but still...I would have been more careful while I was in the ocean. I wonder how long it took them to sail. Is this something I should know? I wonder if I would doubt that we would get to where we were supposed to go. I wonder if I doubt that I will get to where I should be...if I do I better stop. I know that I have instruction and guidance, but it isn't always obvious to me.

Patterns of the Lord

I really get excited when I start to recognize patterns that the Lord has for us. It helps strengthen my testimony to know that He has a plan, He uses it with His children and also lets us learn and see from those before us. The later part of 1 Nephi 17 Nephi is confounding his brothers for all their grossness...ok that was my own word, but it is how I describe people or myself when we are being ungrateful or complaining or whining. Nephi uses examples from the Bible to teach his brothers and to show them the patterns of the Lord. Beginning in verse 23 he starts to ask questions of Moses as a teaching tool. The hard part is when he compares Laman and Lemuel to the children of Israel when they hardened their hearts. He also says to them in verse 45, "Ye are swift to do iniquity but slow to remember the Lord your God. ye have seen an angel, and he spake unto you; yea, ye have heard his voice from time to time; and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words; wherefore, he has spoken unto you like unto the voice of thunder, which did cause the earth to shake as if it were to divide asunder." This scripture always kind of gets to the center of my soul when I read it. In some ways I feel nervous and start to think back in my life to what I know and what miracles I have seen or when the Spirit has spoken to me and then I think about where I am swift in iniquity and slow remembering the Lord. I have this problem where I am sometimes fast to really remember the Lord when I need a lot of help. For example, while we waited forever and forever for Elias' job to come I prayed for it...but I wasn't necessarily the best at making sure I read my scriptures daily or other things I needed to be doing in my life because my desire was in the right place. As the time got longer and longer I started praying harder and doing the right things more because of my need. I know that is not the right way to do things, but it is what it is. Those experiencing make me feel a little bad that my natural desire wasn't there first and I wasn't naturally motivated to the right things because I remembered the Lord and because I was humble enough.

After Nephi speaks he tells them not to touch him or they will whither like a dried up reed. He was so filled with the Spirit. In verse 53 the Lord tells him to stretch forth his hand and he will shock the brothers so ..."that they may know that I am the Lord their God." So Nephi does and they were shocked. I thought this was interesting because they already were not touching Nephi. I asked myself why the Lord thought to show them yet ANOTHER very obvious sign that he is the Lord. I wonder if it wasn't just for Laman and Lemuel. They have had so much proof already that to continue to give it to them seems worthless. I wonder if it was also for Nephi. Nephi wasn't asking for signs and his faith was unbelievable, but maybe the Lord was giving him this little bit of goodness to strengthen him even more and as a blessing for him not questioning. I think Heavenly Father does this sometimes, does things for another or to another, but really as a blessing for someone that isn't as obvious. Was that totally confusing? I can't think of any particular experiences of my own, but I bet if I think long enough about it I would begin to see some.

The last verse of the chapter is Laman and Lemuel having knowledge of the Lord. it is hard to read about these instances because I know they wont' keep their testimony. It is probably hard for the Lord to watch us flip flop back and forth as well. I am starting to realize that it must be so annoying for the Lord to watch me grow. I wonder how my parents could even handle it? I was a pretty cute kid though, so that has to make up for some of it:)

How would you feel if you had to just all of a sudden make a ship?

So 1 Nephi 17...wow. After all the hard work Nephi has done he has to be tired from traveling, keeping his faith, dealing with the opposition his brothers give him and caring for his family. Nephi is so good to name their great blessings at the beginning of the chapter. How many of us would name allthe great afflictions? He mentions afflictions, but he is specific about the great blessings. I think that is a fantastic example of how we need to live our lives. So after this and some years later the Lord tells him to go up a mountain(vs.7) and when he gets there (vs. 8) the Lord says, "Thou shalt construct a ship, after the manner which I shall show thee, that I may carry thy people across these waters." I think my heart would sink a little if I was given this commandment. I think I would feel tired, overwhelmed and maybe a little like...when will this ever end. But I do think we can take this and look in our past and see what "ships" we were asked to construct. There are times we are asked to do something unexpected and overwhelming for us. I know that for me, when I felt I needed to serve a mission, it was sudden but it was clear to me. I think that was a "construct a ship" moment in my life. I was scared and nervous, but I obeyed and did it immediately and was blessed greatly for it. So maybe I wouldn't sink in my heart, actually I think I did a little when I felt I needed to go on a mission, but then it turned to excitement and wonder. I think we take Nephi's experience and keep it somewhere inside of us for when we have more "construct a ship" moments in our lives so that we can have courage and faith the move forward more boldy. The more we practice this the greater the work we can accomplish with the Lord.

Later in the chapter Laman and Lemuel tell Nephi that he is a fool to think he could construct a ship. I wonder if it is just annoying to Nephi to have to deal with them over and over and over again. I personally get so annoyed with constant negativity. It irritates me to hear negative things all the time because I am a believer that if there is a will, there is a way. Learned that one from my mom and I will always hear those words forever ringing in my mind. However, I can see that maybe it was hard for Laman and Lemuel to believe because it probably seemed so far out of left field for Nephi to construct a ship. If they had any faith they would have been able to believe, but I do see where they are coming from. I hope I have never limited myself or another because of unbelief in someone or not enough faith in the Lord. I would really feel terrible. Also, maybe Laman and Lemuel were feeling jealous or their pride really kicked in because their younger brother was so amazing and could accomplish anything because of his faith. Maybe that was a hard pill for them to swallow and so all they could do was be negative and try to bring him down to failure. I think that that is a natural behavior for some people as well. It is good to recognize how these prideful ways can be very devastating and limiting to what can really be accomplished.

by small means the Lord can bring about great things

I love this phrase. So, still in 1 Nephi 16 ( I am slow...but I am trying to think about things longer instead of moving quickly) the Lord tells Lehi to look upon the liahona and he sees things that make him fear and tremble (vs. 26-27). Later in verse 29 it talks of a new writing that gave them understanding concerning the ways of the Lord. It continutes to say that the writing changed from time to time according to their faith and diligence and that by small means the Lord can bring about great things. I think this is symbolic of our lives now. I am sure that was a very obvious observation on my part, but saying it out loud makes it more real in my mind. The way we are led in life changes from time to time according to our faith and diligence. Looking back during specific times in my life I can see that now. I wish I could see it for tomorrow because I might be a little smarter about my decisions...about the small things that I do. The Lord brings about great things by small means. Don't you think we do the same. If we spend a little time each day reading to our children, don't you think it creates a great difference in their lives as they grow...it will most likely develop a love for reading, which in turn gives them more knowledge as they learn through reading. Serving others, even in small ways, not only helps them, but helps us become examples and to become more Christ-like...which is a big thing. It really is the small decisions we make daily that probably make the biggest difference in our lives and in the lives of others. I think the Lord made it that way because the small things are the most difficult to pay attention to and the most difficult to make sure we do. Like scripture study...is it really THAT time consuming...does it take so much out of me to do...no, but it is a challenge on some days to make sure I am being diligent enough to get it done. The same with prayer...it is a gift to us to be able to communicate with our Father in Heaven, so why is it sometimes a challenge to do it and do it from our hearts? Maybe I am giving too much away about myself and maybe I am the only one who has these weird struggles, but I don't think I am alone. These are the small things that if we ignore can devastate our lives, but if we pay attention and are faithful and diligent with them, the Lord will make great things happen in our lives. I know that this is true...when I read it and think of my own experiences this is something that I do know is true.

Whither shall I go to obtain food?

In chapter 16 Nephi breaks his bow and his brothers are angry and they don't bring home dinner. It must have been awful. To know you might starve is scary and I think we have all experienced the grumpiness of being hungry. Babies cry, adults get grumpy. We read about how even Lehi with all the faith he has shown, even he complained to the Lord. This must have been the breaking point I think. Nephi speaks with the "energy of his soul" and they humbled themselves. The important part of this story is Nephi, after making another bow out of wood, goes and asks his father, "Whither shall I go to obtain food?" He saw his father give in to murmuring, but still gave him the respect and confidence. Instead of breaking him down for his error, he builds him up by showing his respect and that he still trusts in him. This is an amazing attribute a person can have. I badly want this attribute because I think my family would greatly benefit from it. I am not quite sure how to get it. In the class I am taking it talked about treating a man as the person he ought to be and he will become that person. I think of my children and wonder how I can do that. I sometimes wonder if I am doing the opposite of that and the thought mortifies me because that is NOT the type of mother or parent I want to be. I want to be encouraging, motivating, trusted and nurturing. How did Nephi know that it was the right thing to do to still ask his father? How do I treat the people in my life in that same respect?

the guilty take the truth to be hard

1 Nephi 16 begins talking about what happens after Nephi is done speaking to his brothers. They tell him the things he says are more than the can bear. Nephi later says in vers 2, "...wherefore, the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center" Have you ever felt this feeling? I have in 2 different ways. In one way it is a little more innocent, when I have made a mistake or accident and when I realize it I get that awful feeling inside...the pit in my stomache. I don't think it is the same thing, but the feeling I think relates. When I have done something wrong and it wasn't an accident and I am confronted with that truth it IS hard. It really does cut a person to the center and at the point we have to make a choice...to humble ourselves and take responsibility for our actions and repent or to be prideful and deny it or be angry because of our embarrassment. I will admit it, I have done both, but I am glad to say I usually choose the first option.

More from 15

In 1 Nephi 15:11 Nephi says to his brothers, "Do ye not remember the things which the Lord hath said? If ye will not harden your hearts , and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you." I didn't realize before how often the Lord tells us that he will reveal things to us, or make things known, or show us the mysteries of God, we just need to be faithful, obedient and we need to ask. We just need to make sure we are asking the right things, the things we are supposed to ask. Its another puzzling area to me, because I am not quite sure how one knows what to ask. I think it is an area where we need to be one with the Lord, we need to seek His will and then we will know what to ask and what to do. I sometimes feel like I ask or the same thing on a daily basis, help with how I am with my children, ask for good health, joy and happiness. What should I really be asking though. Probably more specifics, what I should be doing to be a missionary, who I should be helping or serving, how to give peace to another...those are probably more along the lines of what I should be asking, and maybe even more testimony building questions so that my faith grows.

After this Nephi goes on to explain about Lehi's comparison of the House of Israel to the olive tree. This is what Laman and Lemuel were not understanding, but because Nephi has inquired of Lord to know these things he understood what his father had said. In verse 20 Laman and Lemuel were pacified by Nephi's speaking and they humbled themselves. The rest of the chapter is of them asking questions and Nephi giving them answers. I thought it was interesting that it was AFTER they humbled themselves that they began to ask questions instead of arguing. It is a lesson to me that if I am arguing with someone I maybe need to stop, be more humble and begin asking questions about what I am not understanding. Taht would help communication and to keep the spirit of contention out of my life more.

When I read I had more thoughts, I remember thinking more, but since I didn't post while I was reading the thoughts have left me. That should teach me to be better at saving a time to post while I read. I really like chapter 15, I think there is a lot to learn in this chapter. Its one that I feel like I will get something really important everytime I read it.

Back on Track

Ok, I am back and ready to prioritize my thinking out loud blog. So to back up a few days. I studied 1 Nephi 15 for the last few days. There is a lot of information in this chapter. Verse 3 I think had a very important message in it. The beginning of the chapter talks about Nephi returning to the tent of his father after being carried away in the spirit and his brothers were disputing what his father had told them. Verse 3 says, "For he truly spake many great things unto them which were hard to be understood, save a man should inquire of the Lord; and they being hard in their hearts, therefore they did not look unto the Lord as they ought." The part where he said that the things said were hard to understand save a man should inquire of the Lord really stood out to me. There have been many times in my life when I haven't understood things my parents have cautioned me of and I was hard in my heart thinking they were crazy and I didn't seek confirmation from the Lord...the result of my actions...2 totalled cars within 2 years of my life! How I would go back and inquire of the Lord and not have driven those 2 times! It would have saved me a lot of heartache...BELIEVE ME...alot of heartache. The only wrong thing I did was not listen and trust my parents when they said they didn't think I should drive during those 2 situations. There was a just a feeling for them, like they knew something bad was going to happen. Luckily the Lord spared me from injury, its too bad it took me a few times to learn my lesson. It does lead me to the question, "How many times should I have inquired of the Lord and didn't?" "How would my life be different today if I had?" "When I am not in agreement with my Spouse, instead of arguing what I feel is important at the moment should I be stopping and inquire of the Lord about the things that are being said?" That seems like a no brainer...but who actually has the willpower to do it? I need to try to do that...darn my stubborness! "Over how many different things a day should I be inquiring of the Lord?" "Can I inquire too much?" Not 10 questions Joe, but getting pretty close. Maybe when I finish the Book of Mormon this go around I will start over with a 10 questions a verse...that would be interesting I think. I kind of like the idea. I would learn a lot!

Moving on, Verses 5 and 6 Nephi talks about how he was overcome because of his afflictions from seeing the fall of his people. I wonder sometimes if President Monson has seen our future as a people. Do you think he has seen and feels that sorrow or affliction. I am sure he becomes overcome, but I wonder what he has seen and what a heavy burden he must carry. That would be so hard. I have a raised level of respect and love for him and all the prophets after thinking about this more. Sometimes I think I still seperate our prophets today from the ones in the Book of Mormon, but again I think they experience such similar things.

Verse 8, "...Have ye inquired of the Lord?" I just love this verse because I think we shoudl ask this to ourselves daily. I wish I could remember to do it, but I think it needs to be done. My day would be so much more accomplished if I would.

I have to get dinner ready for my husband now..he will be home in a minute...so more on chapter 15 tomorrow. This is a great one I think!

I didn't skip, I promise.

I didn't skip yesterday and I am not skipping today, I just haven't had a minute to sit down and post, so you will get it all tomorrow. Just wanted everyone to know that I haven't given up! Until tomorrow then...

Lost treasures

Do you know why it is so good to read the scriptures over and over and over again? I have always known logically, but as I read and think I am realizing how much I have forgotten or not noticed previously. For instance, 1 Nephi 14. I don't remember realizing that Nephi was shown a great deal that he was forbidden to write about because another prophet or others have been commanded or will be commanded to write about those things like the end of the world. It was so weird to me while I was reading today that I never realized or remembered this part. Not that I think it is something that has totally enlightened my mind or anything, its just that recognizing how much more we get everytime we read has been really significant to me. So most of the this chapter was speaking of the great and abominable church again. I don't know why, but it just isn't a very striking subject for me right now. I wonder if I was really gung ho at the beginning of starting this blog and my study and worry that some of that enthusiasm is wearing off. I think I won't stay this way, I think maybe it is just the subject matter. Like I said, maybe the importance of the subject is a little beyond my level at the moment. I don't know. I still enjoy studying and reading, I am just not having so many thoughts being triggered. Hmmmm...I wonder if I should have even more supliment reading on the subject matter to learn a little more. Anyone have suggestions? What I do know is when this angel speaking to Nephi is all over, Nephi MUST be so exhausted. Could you imagine seeing so many things? I think I would be panicking trying to commit it all to memory. Also, I wonder if it was hard for him not to write things down that he saw. I think sometimes when we are told a secret and told not to tell it almost makes it even harder NOT to tell. That temptation almost becomes more difficult. Not that the vision was a secret, but the just the concept. Nephi was so righteous I am sure it wasn't too much of a temptation...that was probably just a silly thought just for myself. That's why I am not the one being lifted up to a mountain and being shown all kinds of things!

So I know, not a real insightful post. I really tried to see and feel what I shoudl learn from this chapter, but I am feeling a little blank. Maybe if I study a little more on it something will come.

whoso shall publish peace...how beautiful upon themountains shall they be

I love the end of 1 Nephi 13. The beginning I think was a little hard for me. Overall I understand it, I don't know if I am not as interested or maybe it isn't my time or at my level to dive into what is being said, but not a ton was sticking out to me. verse 37 is a beautiful verse, "And blessed are they who shall seek to bring forth my Zion at that day, for they shall have the gift and the power of the Holy Ghost; and if they endure unto the end they shall be lifted up at the last day, and shall be saved in the everlasting kingdom of the Lamb; and whoso shall publish peace, yea, tidings of great joy, how beautiful upon the mountains shall they be." I love scriptures like this because they are a motivation to me. When you read something like this, doesn't it just make you want to do good? I feel like our rewards will be so great if we can just get through what we need to, and get through it gracefully. I struggle with the graceful part, but I do get through things.

I also love verse 40 where he is talking about the Book of Mormon, "And the angel spake unto me, saying: These last records, which thou hast seen among the Gentiles, shall establish the truth of the first , which are of the twelve apostles of the Lamb, and shall make known the plain and precious things which have been taken away from them; and shall make known to all kindreds, tongues, and people, that the Lamb of God is the Son of the Eternal Father, and the Savior of the world; and that all men must come unto him, or they cannot be saved." I love that Nephi is told about these records that will establish the truth. I love that we can read about that and that we have it. Earlier in the chapter (vs.36) it was also said of the records, "And in them shall be written my gospel, saith the Lamb, and my rock and my salvation." I feel great power in these verses because they speak of truth and they show the love of God. He gives us His gospel, His rock, His salvation in these records...for us. We actually have this in our hands, in our homes available to us at any moment. No wonder there is such a stress on studying and pondering the scriptures. Its not just a story, its not even just history, it is the gospel, the way to salvation and everlasting happiness is recorded in this book. No wonder it is wrong to take it lightly. If I could remember this everyday as I drag my feet a little to dedicate time to study, I wouldn't drag my feet, I would run with excitement and anxiousness. I am glad I didn't' put this off like I was thinking of doing. I was thinking of doing another midnight writing, but I decided now would be better and I am glad. This was important for me to think about right now.

Teaching lessons

1 Nephi 13 is still the angel showing things to Nephi. I wonder if he was exhausted. He was shown alot. What I noticed in these chapters is that the angel doesn't just show Nephi visions and tell him what they are, the angel involves him and always asks first what he sees. After asking he continues to teach. I thought that was interesting. Shows us how we should be teaching as well. I could see myself just showing pictures and saying...this is this and that is that. If I were to follow this example I would ask questions about the picture, about what is seen and then teach off of that. For all the great teachers out there that might be normal, but teaching is not a natural gift of mine so this gave me some insight.

This chapter begins talking about the church of the devil rising up. Can anyone shed some light on this subject. Is the great and abominable church really just those who choose to do wickedness? Or is actually a church that gathers together? I know it seems that I would have learned this over and over, but I feel like it always goes past me when I have had this lesson.

Also in verses 10-12 is where Nephi sees Columbus. I know I have learned this, but as I was reading I didn't catch on to that. I was reading the lesson from my class and it had it spoke about Columbus and how he was led by the Spirit. I think it is interesting, the connection made with Columbus in the scriptures. I think I might read up a little more about him. Sometimes it shocks me to see the scriptures have someone like Columbus in them because he is someone we learn about in school, someone that no one can doubt existed. It reminds me again that the scriptures are not a story and the people in them are not characters, they are real people who really lived the lives and performed the Lord's tasks.

The burden of visions

After reading 1 Nephi 12 I decided that visions might be a heavy burden to hold. When I usually think of visions I think of them as great things that would increase my faith and help me see things clearly. But as Nephi continues to be shown the mysteries of God he ends up seeing his seed overpowered by the seed of his brethren because of their pride and the tempations of the devil(vs.19). He must have felt awful to see that after all he is doing, that his seed would fall because of their pride. I think I would feel panic and wonder what I could do to change that. I love happy endings and I think a vision like that would be devastating. What would you do if you received a vision of where your child's future ended up and it wasn't in righteousness? Would you believe it? Would you lose faith or motivation? I don't know what I would do, but I think I would feel so much panic and sorrow. I am glad that I haven't been blessed with gifts of visions. I don't think I would want to know or see any of that ahead of time. I believe in happy endings and that all will be ok as we strive to live in faith and continually seek the Lord's will. Is that cheesy or what...but it's true. I guess it just reaffirms that we cannot control others' decisions and all we can do is teach, love and pray like crazy.

Isn't it interesting that something as simple as pride can make you fall. It is powerful enough to not make only one person fall, but a whole "people". How scary is that? Pride is such a part of our lives. It so easily creeps in and is so hard to shove out. I hate that. Its like trying to build muscles or be toned. You work so hard to get a muscle and soon as you relax a bit it is half way gone. I can work so hard to get rid of my stupid pride and as soon as I am feeling ok and relax a little it quickly creeps back in. I hate pride. Sometimes it feels fun to be a bit prideful...is that weird to say...but I know it is like a virus or a nasty infection. If we don't take care of it it will multiply quickly.

I know I have mentioned before that I don't often think about my posterity. I think of my children, but since my oldest is 4 I don't think much beyond that point. It is important from reading this that we should think of our posterity. Leave something for them to hang on to and build faith upon just in case their parents mess up. It is probably even important to pray for our posterity especially since they will live in tougher times than us. I think today I will think more on my posterity and what I might do for them. I am not sure what would be good, but leaving something of a journal, or lessons on our faith or something would be smart. Aren't we lucky to have records and journals from the pioneers to build our faith on, and the prophets of old? Maybe we need to think about who we might be to the future or who the Lord wants us to be?

More on the tree of life

So chapter 11 of 1 Nephi reviews what the last few chapters already talked about. It's a review because Nephi's prayer is being answered by giving him the knowledge he so desired. I am not going to go back into the tree of life except for just a little. In verses 35 and 36 they are talking about the large and spacious building and the angel says to Nephi, "...Behold the world and the wisdom thereof; yea, behold the house of Israel hath gathered together to fight against the twelve apostles of the Lamb. And it came to pass that I saw and bear record, that the great and spacious building was the pride of the world; and it fell, and the fall thereof was exceedingly great..." In thinking about the pride of the world and what they are doing it scares me to think of the moments that I feel I am getting swept up in it. I don't think of myself as fighting against the 12 apostles, but when we get swept up in the pride of the world we start to fight the battle on the other end. When I read about the tree of life it seems like the iron rod and the spacious building have some space between them, but in reality it is a little foggy in the middle and easy to not notice when we are drifting.

This is a short review of the rest of chapter 11 because I feel like I would just be repeating myself from previous posts.

More Prophecies

So Nephi having a great desire to see what his father saw gets to see it beginning in 1 Nephi 11. What would it be like to be Nephi? I wonder sometimes. He must have had a heart of gold with righteous desires. Verse 2 the Spirit asks Nephi, "Behold, what desirest thou?" If an angel appeared to you, what you anwser back? I don't know, but I imagine I would say something like, "more money so we could live comfortably." Isn't that awful. That is because I sometimes struggle with remembering the eternal perspective of our lives. If I would stop just thinking about my mortal life and what I need or desire right now I think my desires would be much more righteous. However, if my answer was going to be money I am thinking the angel wouldn't come to visit me because I wouldn't have the righteous desires as Nephi did. Oh, so much to improve on...SO MUCH!

Oh, and for those of you who noticed that missed posting yesterday...I did. I managed my time poorly and was talking on the phone with my sister until late and my husband went to bed before I got off. Our computer is in our bedroom and I didn't feel right about typing away and waking him up just because I managed my time poorly. I will not do that again! I should have not taken a nap when everyone else did and should have typed at that time. Sorry!

So back to the scriptures, the Spirit says to Nephi a little later in verse 6, "...the Spirit cried with a loud voice, saying: Hosanna to the Lord, the most high God; for he is God over all the earth, yea, even above all. And blessed art thou, Nephi, because thou believest in the Son of the most high God; wherefore, thou shalt behold the things which thou hast desired." How amazing would that feel to recieve that sort of positive reinforcement for our desires. I want to think and ponder today about the reinforcements I have been given by the Spirit and really dwell on those to hopefully strengthen me. It is good to recognize how Heavenly Father treats us and communicates with us. It should tell us alot about how we should be treating our children and communicating with them. Heavenly Father really gives us so much freedom with our decisions, but He guides us and lovingly rewards us or reinforces our good works. I really want to do that more with my children. It is a struggle for me I think. I sometimes panick that I am not interfering enough with how they interact with other people and in turn I think I make it worse! I would give more trust and faith I think it would go better.

I have to take off for now, but expect more later today.

Prophecies

1 Nephi 10...This is a fantastic chapter. I think there is so much good in here. The first thing I thought of was what it might have been like to sit there and listen to Lehi prophesy the things to come. I wonder if I would have believed, if I would have been desirous to know for myself, if I would have thought he was crazy. Sometimes people say things and I just think they are crazy. I wonder if I would have known he was a prophet of God. The next thing that came to mind was what are our Prophets teaching and prophesying to us now that I am not taking seriously enough. For starters, I wasn't taking my Book of Mormon reading seriously...AND HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN STRESSING THAT? I'm a work in progress. But what other things are telling us that just slide right past me? I think I need to go back and read the recent General Conference talks.

Lehi does a lot of prophesying in this chapter, if you haven't guessed that already. Verse 16-""And all these things, of which I have spoken, were done as my father dwelt in a tent..." Have you noticed that Lehi is often dwelling in a tent when he recieves his visions or is prophesying? What is that telling us? I wonder if his dwelling in a tent is him seeking privacy while he prays...do you think he is praying and trying to be one with God when he is in his tent? I kind of do. Why else would his tent dwelling be mentioned so frequently? Any thoughts?

Anyways, that isn't the only thing I got out of this chapter. Verse 19 says, "For he that diligently seeketh shall find; and the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them, by the power of the Holy Ghost, as well in these times as in times of old..." So the "mysteries of God" are mentioned again. Of course previous to this verse Nephi talks of how he desires to know for himself again so I am sure that is why this came up again. I love how it says that if we diligently seek, we will find. That is exciting for me because I feel like I am starting to diligently seek...I don't think the mysteries of God will be unfolded for me tomorrow, but I know that one day the ones that I desire to know will be.

Later in verse 20 he talks about the fact that our doings will be brought to judgement...duh duh duuuuuhhhhh....I know it sounds scary, but I do believe that if we do the best, the absolute best we can without justifying or rationalizing, then we won't be so scared when judgement comes upon us. It is like when you study and study and study for a test...really study with full concentration...sure, you might feel a bit nervous for the test but you also feel confident because you know your stuff, you worked hard and there is nothing more to be done. I think it will be kind of like that feeling.

This was a great chapter. Is it weird that I didnt' focus on Lehi's actual prophecies about the coming of Christ and what not? Maybe a little, but these other thoughts are ones that stood out to me.

It's still Friday!

So I am starting this post 3 minutes before midnight, so this counts as my Friday study! I am telling you...weekends are just tough. My schedule gets all thrown off! What will happen tomorrow? Who knows. But I am determined to not miss a day...I really want to have this good habit.

So moving on to chapter 9. My online course skips this chapter, but I am reading it see why it is important enough to be in the scriptures. This chapter mostly talks about the 2 different sets of plates that Nephi has engraven and what they contain. It is obviously important for us to know that information otherwise it wouldn't be in the scriptures. But to me, the last verse is the most important of all. It says (1 Nephi 9:6) "But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words..." Isn't it a great comfort to know that the Lord knows everything...from the beginning...AND He loves us and wants us to find everlasting happiness? This verse is a faith-builder to me. It shows me the power that comes from Heaven in the fact that he hath all power to fulfill his words and He already knows what needs to happen. These words just make me want to really try to be in tune with the Spirit even more because I know that Lord knows my path and has the power to lead me...if i will allow myself to be led. I guess the nervous part is believing in me and thinking that I can be in tune enough or good enough to really know that I am feeling the Spirit. You will see this as a re-occurring theme for me. It is something I struggle with.

It was a short chapter, but that final verse was worth it. Wish me luck for the rest of the weekend.

Tree of Life Finale

So Finale's are supposed to be the big ending, but I just wrote it to have a title for the post. I can't say that this will be a big ending because I don't know what my little fingers are going to type out yet. I will say that I have enjoyed thinking about the tree of life beyond just what the meaning of the tree, the fruit, the iron rod, the river, etc. mean. It has been realy good.

So at the end of 1 Nephi 8 Nephi wraps up in speaking about his father and the fear he felt for his oldest 2 sons. Could you imagine having a dream(vision) from God that shows any of your children not following a righteous path or them following a path that won't lead to happiness. I think it is safe to say that any parent would dread something like that. You can see that his fear leads him to (vs. 37) "...exhort them with all the feeling of a tender parent, that they would hearken to his words, that perhaps the Lord would be merciful to them, and not cast them off..." I think it would be awful to know my children would choose the wrong path...I would just have an awful knot in my stomach. How do parents HANDLE IT? I think I have decided my children are no longer allowed to grow up past the age of 7! Maybe I am not the let go and let them learn by mistakes kind of mom that I thought I was.

Also in vs. 31 he speaks of the "...multitudes feeling their way towards that great and spacious building." There are times I feel myself wandering a little more in that direction. When I think of very material objects that I would LOVE. Like a pair of $8,000 Tiffany earrings...not that I would ever feel comfortable wearing them or that I would have anything to wear them too...I sometimes think of how I would love them and what I could do to get them. But then I realize they wouldn't really make me happy, they woudl actually make me feel weird and self concious and judged and weird. I don't think it is wrong to have nice things, but I do think that when we start to focus on the nice things of the world and try to live so we can buy them we start to drift from the iron rod towards the great and spacious building. So my question is this...when we start to drift away from the iron rod or even let go of it a little, how do we get back, who or what leads us back on track. It is a scary thing to let go, but some of us do get that opportunity to get back to it. Or is it that we haven't truly let go, but we are just touching it with the tip of our finger or our toe so we can get a better look at what we are missing out on in the great and spacious building. Weird thoughts, I know...but I could see myself kind of sticking my toe out there to still be touching it so I wouldn't totally let go, but woudl also be feeding my curiosity a big. Bad...yes. But luckily I have a desire to stay on the path.

The Iron Rod

I do love when the iron rod comes into the picture when learning about the Tree of Life. I love it because it is what gives me hope. To know that a guide and a strength and a course of safety has been given to me makes me feel safe and secure. In verse 1 Nephi 8:30 Lehi speaks about when he saw "other multitudes pressing forward; and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press ther way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree." There were a few words that stood out to me in this verse. First, the words he uses to describe the actions of this group stood out to me. They had to "press" their way forward and "continually holding fast" and when they got there they "fell down". These words describe a very trying journey to get to the tree. It wasn't an easy breezy walk where the sun was shining down on their path and the birds were chirping. There was a mist of darkness, a nasty river they could fall and get lost in, crazy different paths or roads, people making fun of them trying to put doubt into their minds or lust from their lavish lifestyle they think they live. The words tell me they they had to work hard and hold on tight to the rod to stay on the strait and narrow path. When they finally make it they fall. Do they fall from tiredness or an overwhelming feeling of gratitude? I don't know. The path we need to stay on is a narrow path, meaning the lines have been drawn. There is a right and there is a wrong. It won't ALWAYS be totally clear what the path is, that is why we were given an iron rod to cling to...so that we don't lose the path. How thankful I am for that.

I am sure you have noticed that I sef evaluate with questions alot. I guess it is how I think when I read the scriptures. I am not a great historian, but I do like to apply the scriptures to my life. So my question right now is...on this journey to the tree of life, where do I stand? I feel pretty good about the life I live so I feel like I am clinging to the iron rod. I am far from perfect, but I am trying hard to continually be better and not go backwards. It is a good question to ask ourselves from time to time.

Well, I am thinking I will finish up chapter 8 tomorrow. I don't feel like I was able to dive into it as deeply as I had hoped to. I am not sure how capable my mind is to dig deep, but as I keep trying I think I will do better and better every time around.

The Tree of Life

Oh the Tree of Life. I have always a little bit dreaded this chapter (1 Ne. 8) because it is a little on the long side, it screams to me that I should be studying it slowly so I can really ponder the message and dig deep. Well, the task has always seemed to daunting and I guess for some weird reason I always feared trying. I sometimes have a weird fear of failure about things that I really shouldn't fear...like digging deep into the scriptures. I hate disappointing myself when I feel like I give up, so sometimes I guess I just don't even begin. I had that same fear of sewing...but I am getting over it. SO, I really hope for participation from others to help me dig deep into the meaning of chapter 8. I understand the on obvious meanings that we learn about everytime the lesson is taught at church, but I would love to know what others have pondered or thought about in their own study.

So I plan on spending a few days on this chapter. One scripture that came to me is verse 15, "And it came to pass that I beckoned unto them; and I also did say unto them with a loud voice that they should come unto me, and partake of the fruit, which was desirable about all other fruit." This verse is Lehi speaking about his family. He wanted them to come and partake of the fruit. The word that really stuck out to me is "loud". He used a loud voice when he called out to them. I think it is so important that we use our "loud" voices in our actions and examples when it comes to our family. I was trying to think of what things I may have done today to use a "loud" voice in teaching my family or beckoning to them to come partake of the fruit. I have to question myself, "Am I very loud when it comes to this?" I know I am loud when I am frustrated, but that is probably when I should be softer because I notice I am more effective the more silent frustrated I am. I should be loud in my beckoning them to come to Christ and quieter in my anger and frustration. I always do things so opposite...its annoying!

So I had this thought today, that doesn't necissarlily apply to the scripture I am reading right now, but I just had to say it out loud. When you are reading the scriptures do you usually read about Nephi and think of how good he his and kind of think of yourself as following in his way? That probably sounds prideful, but all my life I have always read the scriptures and imagined me as them, like I was a modern day version of those great prophets. But this time around as I am looking deeper, I still feel like I am more like them, but I am beginning to see some similarities between me and Laman and Lemuel. Because I have been taught from the Book of Mormon my whole life I have always just looked at them as the bad guys, but I wonder if they weren't so awful, they just fell to temptation. I mean, they did try to kill Nephi and stuff so I guess they probably were pretty awful, but I sometiems feel like I understand some of their frustrations or doubts at times. I am not saying I woudl ever kill or do the bad things they did, but I won't lie, I didn't ALWAYS obey my parents or I didn't always seek the Lord's will on a daily a basis. I often just go through my day not really seeking anything but a little moment of peace and quiet! Anyways, weird thought, but I guess the prophets in the Book of Mormon are becoming more real to me this time around and I feel like I can see them in a more human way than I have previously. Well, look for some more thoughts on chapter 8 tomorrow.

Could you forget an Angel of the Lord?

So I have always been baffled by Laman and Lemuel. Today was a study of 1 Nephi 7. Nephi's older brothers, some of Ishmael's sons and daughters all rebel against him and his father and family. They want to go back to Jerusalem. But Nephi with his faith speaks to them and asks them many questions and one of them is in verse 10, "How is it that ye have forgotten that ye have seen an angel of the Lord? Ok, seriously, how do you ignore or forget about that crazy experience. It is a lesson to me that if we don't keep our faith strong that we can probably rationalize or excuse ourselves out of righteousness, even if we did see an angel of the Lord. I think that I do this on a different scale. I know that I have recieved answers, I know I have a testimony, I know what is right and what is wrong...but do I still make mistakes or sin or give into temptations...YES...unfortunately. I do on a daily basis I think. I know I need to raise my children with love and patience, but I totally lose my patience by the end of the day...I know I shouldn't and there are better ways, but my weakness still gives in. I keep trying to ask myself...would I do this if I knew Heavenly Father and Jesus were in the room with me? I know I wouldn't..I would be overly nice and patient. The sad part is that I know that they are watching...so how can I forget that? I guess it is easy to forget when you can't see.

I also find it inspiring to see how easily he forgives his brothers after the Lord loosed his bands. He "frankly" forgave them in verse 21. He was more concerned about them being forgiven of the Lord. Isn't that amazing? This examply reminds me of things I learned when I read "The Peacegiver". It isn't just that we need to forgive, but we need to help others to forgive so they also can be forgiven. If you haven't read that book, you need to. It is amazing. I want to love others so much that I care about their forgiveness. I think that is a true sign that you are Christ-like because I think it is one of the most difficult things to do.

So my challenge I give myself is to not forget the "angels" or things from the Lord and to keep my faith strong so I can follow His will.

Weekends are tough

I am finding that I am less focused on and totally off schedule on Saturday and Sunday. I think maybe it is because everyone is home and the day flies past me and I find myself wanting to get ready for bed and realizing that I haven't studied the scriptures. That is when temptation really hits me. Again, tonight I am wanting to just hurry and read a verse or something and go to bed, but I know that if I do that tonight that it will be that much easier for me to do it again. I am really trying to make some good habits here because this week has really been great for me and for my learning and I have felt more peace and energy from reading, studying and pondering.

I have moved on to 1 Nephi 6. It is a short chapter, but it says some really comforting things. Nephi talks about why he isn't writing the details of the geneology and that he just desires to use the space up with the things of God. He then says, "For the fulness of mine intent is that I may persuade men to come unto the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and teh God of Jacob, and be saved." I think those are really comforting words. It feels very powerful to know that he put so much energy into knowing what God wanted him to write in the plates...and I know that they were written for me and for you and everyone, so that we might be saved. I love feeling that love from olden day Prophets through the scriptures. It made me think about when I write in my journal and the silly things I write about. I wonder if I should be writing more about my testimony. Well, I guess I dont' have to worry so much anymore because maybe that is why I am doing this blog now, for the record of my more spiritual side or my desire anyways. Now I feel even better about writing this blog.

Nephi continues to say in verse 5, "Wherefore, the things which are pleasing unto the world I do not write, but the things which are pleasing unto God and unto those who are not of the world." It was obviously very important for Nephi to make it clear to us that he very seriously only wanted the things of God recorded in the plates. There is such a feeling of purity in his words. It makes the scriptures more pure and precious to be able to know and feel the strong desire he had to really obey God's commands when it to keeping the records. I relate to that concern or those feelings when I think about my children. I want to keep records, memories, and teachings in their minds and written to help them to gain a testimony so they might choose to live righteously. I don't know that I can say I think so deeply about future generations down the road though. It amazes me that Nephi and the other prophets did all this hard work for a people they would never see in their lifetime. They cared so much and it was for us, people who live 100's of years later. We are truly blessed.

Ok, so hopefully I will stay on a schedule tomorrow. I think it helps me to study during the day instead of at night. I feel less focused today and a little more hurried.

Saturday Schedule

It is late and I realized that the day flew past me today and I hadn't done my scripture study. I feel like I need to hurry into bed so I won't be too tired for church tomorrow. So I am feeling a little bummed about not setting aside the time today for my study because I have really been loving it this week. But I will do some study and try to figure out how to keep my schedule on the weekend.

I am still on Chapter 5 because I feel like I didn't focus on that chapter as much yesterday. I have always thought that chapter 5 is important because that is where we read about how Sariah complained against Lehi for sending her sons back to Jerusalem. It must have been awful to sit there and wait and wonder what was happening. It would be agonizing as a parent to wonder what was happening to your children for so long without any communication. For me this is a remiinder to me that I need to just pray before I start complaining about something that I don't understand. I would hate to be the person who complained so much that I forced someone to not follow the commandments. I certainly hope I have never done that.

I also like this chapter because at the end I feel like Nephi gets to really see the blessings from all he had to endure to fulfill the Lord's commandments. Aren't those some of the sweetest times in our lives, when we can look back and see why we were led to do certain things and why Heavenly Father had us take a certain course. I remember when I decided to go on a mission and that I was surprised that I made the decision to go. It wasn't the path I thought I would take and I was scared to do it. But now that I have completed it and have the ability to look back at what led me to the decision I made and what I accomplished for the Lord during the mission and what blessings I have recieved since, it makes sense and I see why I was led in that direction. I am and always will be thankful that the promptings were strong enough for me to understand and not be able to ignore. I think it is a good lesson to always remmeber that one day we will understand why we needed to do certain things and why we needed to endure certain trials. It gives me comfort to know that there really is a plan laid out for us and we will have the blessings promised to us as we continue to seek the Lord's will and follow it.

I think I am done for tonight. Maybe not my best study, but I am glad that I made sure I did it instead of excusing myself. I won't lie, I thought about excusing myself more than once. As my Mom ALWAYS tells me, "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." I totally hate that line and I try hard to not let me be that person. My Mom is a smart woman who knew I would always try to prove myself! Thank You for that.

Let us Be Strong Like unto Moses

I have moved on to chapters 4 and 5 in 1 Nephi. So here is Nephi following the commandments and having to make this trip with is unbelieving older brothers. Thank goodness for Sam, at least Nephi had that support. So they go to accomplish their task and it doesn't work out. Nephi's strength and faith amaze me because he has to sit their deal with his older brothers complaints and whining. I mean, they had some reasonable argument so be afraid of Laban and his 50 men. But Nephi wouldn't even allow it. He just reminds them that the Lord is mightier than Laban and his fifty men. 1 Nephi 4:1, "for behold he is mightier than all the earth, then why not mightier than Laban and his fifty, yea, or even than his tens of thousands?" For me I think the most difficult part about this situation would be standing up to my family. Not that I have a difficult family myself, I really love my family and I mean ALL family, parents, sisters, husband, kids, in-laws. But if I were in a situation where I had to tell them no, we will struggle longer until we have accomplished the task, that would be harder than facing Laban and his men. I like to please my family and I would feel awful to oppose them in such a way. So I think Nephi had great courage to actually be the leader he needed to be over his older brothers. I am thankful that I have a good family surrounding me so that I don't find myself in that sort of situation.

I love Nephi's example he gives next. In verse 2 he says, "...let us be strong like unto Moses; for he truly spake unto the waters of the Red Sea and they divided hither and thither, and our fathers came through, out of captivity, on dry ground, and the armies of Pharaoh did follow and were drowned in the waters of the Red Sea. What I think is interesting about this example is that Moses I don't' think knew he would be parting the Red Sea until he got there. He was just following the commandments given to him as they came, just as Nephi is doing. They are just going step by step not really knowing what the next step is. Nephi will soon learn what his next step in verse 10 where he is commanded to slay Laban. So in thinking about yesterdays post and wondering if I am really following commandments or promptings when things seem to block me from my goal, I guess if I look at Nephi and Moses they had HUGE blockades in front of what they were commanded to do, but the followed the promptings one step at a time with faith that they would get to the end goal. It seemed like they knew the main goal...leading people to righteousness and salvation, but they didn't necessarily know the steps to get there. I guess I need to learn to focus on what the main goal is and just try to live and desire the knowledge I need to receive the step by step instructions. Does any of that make sense? It kind of does in my head.

The Mysteries of God

So I am still studying in 1 Nephi 2 and 3. I was thinking this morning that one of my problems in studying is a lack of patience. I naturally just try to read real fast so I can see the progess of my work. But this time I want to go slowly and really try to think about the things I am reading. The class I am doing is really helping me because there are questions for me to answer that help me think about things I would normally skip over. So yesterday I read chapters 2 and 3 and today I am answering questions. So...some new things stuck out at me today as I was answering questions.

The first one was the verse in 1 Nephi 2:16, "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless being large in stature, and also having great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did belive all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers." In the past when I have read this scripture I usually think Nephi being young and large because it portrays a hero to me and I think he is a hero. And I think of how he is a good son because he did what he needed to do so he could have faith in his father. Or what I have been taught about...and that is the fact that he went to find out for himself what he should instead of just following with blind faith. The words that stuck out to me today were"...having great desires to know the MYSTERIES of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord;" For some reason, and you will most likely think this is strange, but whenever I read or hear about the mysteries of God I invision mysteries about the universe or something on a much larger scale that I don't feel apply to me at this time, something I can't wrap my mind around. Is that weird of me? Anyways, today when I was reading this part I felt like maybe he was talking about the mysteries in terms of why they were being led out of Jeruselem, why they were leaving all their things behind and going on this difficult journey, or maybe just confirming that his father isn't crazy and really being led by the Lord as a prophet of God. It occurred to me that mysteries can be close to home, not just far out there unexplainable sciencey(not a real word, I know, but I just make words up to explain myself) type things. I don't know that I always have the great desire to know the mysteries, not even the ones close to home for me because I guess I just always try to go with the flow. But it is important to have the desire for knowledge because it can lead us to a greater faith and to have a deeper understanding of God's will for us. I am excited to have realized this today. It really has opened up my mind a little more for things that I should and could be praying about.

Next thing that jumped out at me. 1 Nephi 2:18, "But, behold, Laman and Lemuel would not hearken unto my words; and being grieved because of the hardness of their hearts I cried unto the Lord for them: So here is my confession. I am stubborn. VERY stubborn. Everyone who knows me knows this. I am not so sure that my heart would be grieving like Nephi's and I know for a fact that it is really difficult for me to pray or cry unto the Lord for those who oppose me. I don't think that it is uncommon for me to feel like this, but that isn't an excuse for me to not change those things. So I write this as a rmeinder to myself that I should not get angry and frustrated when not being listened to, but grieved and that I should CRY unto the Lord. I think this advice will come in handy when my children are teenageers, so I better start practicing now so it will be natural for me later!

Last thought for today, 1 Nephi 3:15-16 "...As the Lord liveth, and as we live, we will not go down unto our father in the wilderness until we have accomplished the thing which the Lord hath commanded us. Wherefore, let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord..." This is what Nephi said to his brothers after Laban threw out Laman threatening to slay him. Now...if I was commanded to do something and then I go to do it and it doesn't work out...I think I would feel discouraged. Maybe even question whether or not I was really commanded to do so. I have to ask myself...would I keep trying. Would I keep fighting the trial to accomplish this specific commandment? Would I still trust that I was actually commanded to do that thing? I often am not sure if I am truly feeling the Spirit or if they are my own thoughts and movements. There have been times in my life when I have known without doubt that I have been prompted by the Spirit and I am thankful for those experiences because they in large hold together my testimony. What I really want now is to figure out the smaller promptings and to be able to recognize them. How do I learn how to do that? And how do I make sure that if I don't succeed at fulfilling what I think is a prompting that I don't doubt myself and give up?

Am I totally random? These first few chapters have so much in them and so much to think about. Just wait until the Isaiah chapters, I have never understood them well...you will probably just get one sentence out of me then, if I can even understand enought to get that much out!