Monday, August 31, 2009

More Prophecies

So Nephi having a great desire to see what his father saw gets to see it beginning in 1 Nephi 11. What would it be like to be Nephi? I wonder sometimes. He must have had a heart of gold with righteous desires. Verse 2 the Spirit asks Nephi, "Behold, what desirest thou?" If an angel appeared to you, what you anwser back? I don't know, but I imagine I would say something like, "more money so we could live comfortably." Isn't that awful. That is because I sometimes struggle with remembering the eternal perspective of our lives. If I would stop just thinking about my mortal life and what I need or desire right now I think my desires would be much more righteous. However, if my answer was going to be money I am thinking the angel wouldn't come to visit me because I wouldn't have the righteous desires as Nephi did. Oh, so much to improve on...SO MUCH!

Oh, and for those of you who noticed that missed posting yesterday...I did. I managed my time poorly and was talking on the phone with my sister until late and my husband went to bed before I got off. Our computer is in our bedroom and I didn't feel right about typing away and waking him up just because I managed my time poorly. I will not do that again! I should have not taken a nap when everyone else did and should have typed at that time. Sorry!

So back to the scriptures, the Spirit says to Nephi a little later in verse 6, "...the Spirit cried with a loud voice, saying: Hosanna to the Lord, the most high God; for he is God over all the earth, yea, even above all. And blessed art thou, Nephi, because thou believest in the Son of the most high God; wherefore, thou shalt behold the things which thou hast desired." How amazing would that feel to recieve that sort of positive reinforcement for our desires. I want to think and ponder today about the reinforcements I have been given by the Spirit and really dwell on those to hopefully strengthen me. It is good to recognize how Heavenly Father treats us and communicates with us. It should tell us alot about how we should be treating our children and communicating with them. Heavenly Father really gives us so much freedom with our decisions, but He guides us and lovingly rewards us or reinforces our good works. I really want to do that more with my children. It is a struggle for me I think. I sometimes panick that I am not interfering enough with how they interact with other people and in turn I think I make it worse! I would give more trust and faith I think it would go better.

I have to take off for now, but expect more later today.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Prophecies

1 Nephi 10...This is a fantastic chapter. I think there is so much good in here. The first thing I thought of was what it might have been like to sit there and listen to Lehi prophesy the things to come. I wonder if I would have believed, if I would have been desirous to know for myself, if I would have thought he was crazy. Sometimes people say things and I just think they are crazy. I wonder if I would have known he was a prophet of God. The next thing that came to mind was what are our Prophets teaching and prophesying to us now that I am not taking seriously enough. For starters, I wasn't taking my Book of Mormon reading seriously...AND HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN STRESSING THAT? I'm a work in progress. But what other things are telling us that just slide right past me? I think I need to go back and read the recent General Conference talks.

Lehi does a lot of prophesying in this chapter, if you haven't guessed that already. Verse 16-""And all these things, of which I have spoken, were done as my father dwelt in a tent..." Have you noticed that Lehi is often dwelling in a tent when he recieves his visions or is prophesying? What is that telling us? I wonder if his dwelling in a tent is him seeking privacy while he prays...do you think he is praying and trying to be one with God when he is in his tent? I kind of do. Why else would his tent dwelling be mentioned so frequently? Any thoughts?

Anyways, that isn't the only thing I got out of this chapter. Verse 19 says, "For he that diligently seeketh shall find; and the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them, by the power of the Holy Ghost, as well in these times as in times of old..." So the "mysteries of God" are mentioned again. Of course previous to this verse Nephi talks of how he desires to know for himself again so I am sure that is why this came up again. I love how it says that if we diligently seek, we will find. That is exciting for me because I feel like I am starting to diligently seek...I don't think the mysteries of God will be unfolded for me tomorrow, but I know that one day the ones that I desire to know will be.

Later in verse 20 he talks about the fact that our doings will be brought to judgement...duh duh duuuuuhhhhh....I know it sounds scary, but I do believe that if we do the best, the absolute best we can without justifying or rationalizing, then we won't be so scared when judgement comes upon us. It is like when you study and study and study for a test...really study with full concentration...sure, you might feel a bit nervous for the test but you also feel confident because you know your stuff, you worked hard and there is nothing more to be done. I think it will be kind of like that feeling.

This was a great chapter. Is it weird that I didnt' focus on Lehi's actual prophecies about the coming of Christ and what not? Maybe a little, but these other thoughts are ones that stood out to me.

Friday, August 28, 2009

It's still Friday!

So I am starting this post 3 minutes before midnight, so this counts as my Friday study! I am telling you...weekends are just tough. My schedule gets all thrown off! What will happen tomorrow? Who knows. But I am determined to not miss a day...I really want to have this good habit.

So moving on to chapter 9. My online course skips this chapter, but I am reading it see why it is important enough to be in the scriptures. This chapter mostly talks about the 2 different sets of plates that Nephi has engraven and what they contain. It is obviously important for us to know that information otherwise it wouldn't be in the scriptures. But to me, the last verse is the most important of all. It says (1 Nephi 9:6) "But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words..." Isn't it a great comfort to know that the Lord knows everything...from the beginning...AND He loves us and wants us to find everlasting happiness? This verse is a faith-builder to me. It shows me the power that comes from Heaven in the fact that he hath all power to fulfill his words and He already knows what needs to happen. These words just make me want to really try to be in tune with the Spirit even more because I know that Lord knows my path and has the power to lead me...if i will allow myself to be led. I guess the nervous part is believing in me and thinking that I can be in tune enough or good enough to really know that I am feeling the Spirit. You will see this as a re-occurring theme for me. It is something I struggle with.

It was a short chapter, but that final verse was worth it. Wish me luck for the rest of the weekend.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Tree of Life Finale

So Finale's are supposed to be the big ending, but I just wrote it to have a title for the post. I can't say that this will be a big ending because I don't know what my little fingers are going to type out yet. I will say that I have enjoyed thinking about the tree of life beyond just what the meaning of the tree, the fruit, the iron rod, the river, etc. mean. It has been realy good.

So at the end of 1 Nephi 8 Nephi wraps up in speaking about his father and the fear he felt for his oldest 2 sons. Could you imagine having a dream(vision) from God that shows any of your children not following a righteous path or them following a path that won't lead to happiness. I think it is safe to say that any parent would dread something like that. You can see that his fear leads him to (vs. 37) "...exhort them with all the feeling of a tender parent, that they would hearken to his words, that perhaps the Lord would be merciful to them, and not cast them off..." I think it would be awful to know my children would choose the wrong path...I would just have an awful knot in my stomach. How do parents HANDLE IT? I think I have decided my children are no longer allowed to grow up past the age of 7! Maybe I am not the let go and let them learn by mistakes kind of mom that I thought I was.

Also in vs. 31 he speaks of the "...multitudes feeling their way towards that great and spacious building." There are times I feel myself wandering a little more in that direction. When I think of very material objects that I would LOVE. Like a pair of $8,000 Tiffany earrings...not that I would ever feel comfortable wearing them or that I would have anything to wear them too...I sometimes think of how I would love them and what I could do to get them. But then I realize they wouldn't really make me happy, they woudl actually make me feel weird and self concious and judged and weird. I don't think it is wrong to have nice things, but I do think that when we start to focus on the nice things of the world and try to live so we can buy them we start to drift from the iron rod towards the great and spacious building. So my question is this...when we start to drift away from the iron rod or even let go of it a little, how do we get back, who or what leads us back on track. It is a scary thing to let go, but some of us do get that opportunity to get back to it. Or is it that we haven't truly let go, but we are just touching it with the tip of our finger or our toe so we can get a better look at what we are missing out on in the great and spacious building. Weird thoughts, I know...but I could see myself kind of sticking my toe out there to still be touching it so I wouldn't totally let go, but woudl also be feeding my curiosity a big. Bad...yes. But luckily I have a desire to stay on the path.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Iron Rod

I do love when the iron rod comes into the picture when learning about the Tree of Life. I love it because it is what gives me hope. To know that a guide and a strength and a course of safety has been given to me makes me feel safe and secure. In verse 1 Nephi 8:30 Lehi speaks about when he saw "other multitudes pressing forward; and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press ther way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree." There were a few words that stood out to me in this verse. First, the words he uses to describe the actions of this group stood out to me. They had to "press" their way forward and "continually holding fast" and when they got there they "fell down". These words describe a very trying journey to get to the tree. It wasn't an easy breezy walk where the sun was shining down on their path and the birds were chirping. There was a mist of darkness, a nasty river they could fall and get lost in, crazy different paths or roads, people making fun of them trying to put doubt into their minds or lust from their lavish lifestyle they think they live. The words tell me they they had to work hard and hold on tight to the rod to stay on the strait and narrow path. When they finally make it they fall. Do they fall from tiredness or an overwhelming feeling of gratitude? I don't know. The path we need to stay on is a narrow path, meaning the lines have been drawn. There is a right and there is a wrong. It won't ALWAYS be totally clear what the path is, that is why we were given an iron rod to cling to...so that we don't lose the path. How thankful I am for that.

I am sure you have noticed that I sef evaluate with questions alot. I guess it is how I think when I read the scriptures. I am not a great historian, but I do like to apply the scriptures to my life. So my question right now is...on this journey to the tree of life, where do I stand? I feel pretty good about the life I live so I feel like I am clinging to the iron rod. I am far from perfect, but I am trying hard to continually be better and not go backwards. It is a good question to ask ourselves from time to time.

Well, I am thinking I will finish up chapter 8 tomorrow. I don't feel like I was able to dive into it as deeply as I had hoped to. I am not sure how capable my mind is to dig deep, but as I keep trying I think I will do better and better every time around.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Tree of Life

Oh the Tree of Life. I have always a little bit dreaded this chapter (1 Ne. 8) because it is a little on the long side, it screams to me that I should be studying it slowly so I can really ponder the message and dig deep. Well, the task has always seemed to daunting and I guess for some weird reason I always feared trying. I sometimes have a weird fear of failure about things that I really shouldn't fear...like digging deep into the scriptures. I hate disappointing myself when I feel like I give up, so sometimes I guess I just don't even begin. I had that same fear of sewing...but I am getting over it. SO, I really hope for participation from others to help me dig deep into the meaning of chapter 8. I understand the on obvious meanings that we learn about everytime the lesson is taught at church, but I would love to know what others have pondered or thought about in their own study.

So I plan on spending a few days on this chapter. One scripture that came to me is verse 15, "And it came to pass that I beckoned unto them; and I also did say unto them with a loud voice that they should come unto me, and partake of the fruit, which was desirable about all other fruit." This verse is Lehi speaking about his family. He wanted them to come and partake of the fruit. The word that really stuck out to me is "loud". He used a loud voice when he called out to them. I think it is so important that we use our "loud" voices in our actions and examples when it comes to our family. I was trying to think of what things I may have done today to use a "loud" voice in teaching my family or beckoning to them to come partake of the fruit. I have to question myself, "Am I very loud when it comes to this?" I know I am loud when I am frustrated, but that is probably when I should be softer because I notice I am more effective the more silent frustrated I am. I should be loud in my beckoning them to come to Christ and quieter in my anger and frustration. I always do things so opposite...its annoying!

So I had this thought today, that doesn't necissarlily apply to the scripture I am reading right now, but I just had to say it out loud. When you are reading the scriptures do you usually read about Nephi and think of how good he his and kind of think of yourself as following in his way? That probably sounds prideful, but all my life I have always read the scriptures and imagined me as them, like I was a modern day version of those great prophets. But this time around as I am looking deeper, I still feel like I am more like them, but I am beginning to see some similarities between me and Laman and Lemuel. Because I have been taught from the Book of Mormon my whole life I have always just looked at them as the bad guys, but I wonder if they weren't so awful, they just fell to temptation. I mean, they did try to kill Nephi and stuff so I guess they probably were pretty awful, but I sometiems feel like I understand some of their frustrations or doubts at times. I am not saying I woudl ever kill or do the bad things they did, but I won't lie, I didn't ALWAYS obey my parents or I didn't always seek the Lord's will on a daily a basis. I often just go through my day not really seeking anything but a little moment of peace and quiet! Anyways, weird thought, but I guess the prophets in the Book of Mormon are becoming more real to me this time around and I feel like I can see them in a more human way than I have previously. Well, look for some more thoughts on chapter 8 tomorrow.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Could you forget an Angel of the Lord?

So I have always been baffled by Laman and Lemuel. Today was a study of 1 Nephi 7. Nephi's older brothers, some of Ishmael's sons and daughters all rebel against him and his father and family. They want to go back to Jerusalem. But Nephi with his faith speaks to them and asks them many questions and one of them is in verse 10, "How is it that ye have forgotten that ye have seen an angel of the Lord? Ok, seriously, how do you ignore or forget about that crazy experience. It is a lesson to me that if we don't keep our faith strong that we can probably rationalize or excuse ourselves out of righteousness, even if we did see an angel of the Lord. I think that I do this on a different scale. I know that I have recieved answers, I know I have a testimony, I know what is right and what is wrong...but do I still make mistakes or sin or give into temptations...YES...unfortunately. I do on a daily basis I think. I know I need to raise my children with love and patience, but I totally lose my patience by the end of the day...I know I shouldn't and there are better ways, but my weakness still gives in. I keep trying to ask myself...would I do this if I knew Heavenly Father and Jesus were in the room with me? I know I wouldn't..I would be overly nice and patient. The sad part is that I know that they are watching...so how can I forget that? I guess it is easy to forget when you can't see.

I also find it inspiring to see how easily he forgives his brothers after the Lord loosed his bands. He "frankly" forgave them in verse 21. He was more concerned about them being forgiven of the Lord. Isn't that amazing? This examply reminds me of things I learned when I read "The Peacegiver". It isn't just that we need to forgive, but we need to help others to forgive so they also can be forgiven. If you haven't read that book, you need to. It is amazing. I want to love others so much that I care about their forgiveness. I think that is a true sign that you are Christ-like because I think it is one of the most difficult things to do.

So my challenge I give myself is to not forget the "angels" or things from the Lord and to keep my faith strong so I can follow His will.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Weekends are tough

I am finding that I am less focused on and totally off schedule on Saturday and Sunday. I think maybe it is because everyone is home and the day flies past me and I find myself wanting to get ready for bed and realizing that I haven't studied the scriptures. That is when temptation really hits me. Again, tonight I am wanting to just hurry and read a verse or something and go to bed, but I know that if I do that tonight that it will be that much easier for me to do it again. I am really trying to make some good habits here because this week has really been great for me and for my learning and I have felt more peace and energy from reading, studying and pondering.

I have moved on to 1 Nephi 6. It is a short chapter, but it says some really comforting things. Nephi talks about why he isn't writing the details of the geneology and that he just desires to use the space up with the things of God. He then says, "For the fulness of mine intent is that I may persuade men to come unto the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and teh God of Jacob, and be saved." I think those are really comforting words. It feels very powerful to know that he put so much energy into knowing what God wanted him to write in the plates...and I know that they were written for me and for you and everyone, so that we might be saved. I love feeling that love from olden day Prophets through the scriptures. It made me think about when I write in my journal and the silly things I write about. I wonder if I should be writing more about my testimony. Well, I guess I dont' have to worry so much anymore because maybe that is why I am doing this blog now, for the record of my more spiritual side or my desire anyways. Now I feel even better about writing this blog.

Nephi continues to say in verse 5, "Wherefore, the things which are pleasing unto the world I do not write, but the things which are pleasing unto God and unto those who are not of the world." It was obviously very important for Nephi to make it clear to us that he very seriously only wanted the things of God recorded in the plates. There is such a feeling of purity in his words. It makes the scriptures more pure and precious to be able to know and feel the strong desire he had to really obey God's commands when it to keeping the records. I relate to that concern or those feelings when I think about my children. I want to keep records, memories, and teachings in their minds and written to help them to gain a testimony so they might choose to live righteously. I don't know that I can say I think so deeply about future generations down the road though. It amazes me that Nephi and the other prophets did all this hard work for a people they would never see in their lifetime. They cared so much and it was for us, people who live 100's of years later. We are truly blessed.

Ok, so hopefully I will stay on a schedule tomorrow. I think it helps me to study during the day instead of at night. I feel less focused today and a little more hurried.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Saturday Schedule

It is late and I realized that the day flew past me today and I hadn't done my scripture study. I feel like I need to hurry into bed so I won't be too tired for church tomorrow. So I am feeling a little bummed about not setting aside the time today for my study because I have really been loving it this week. But I will do some study and try to figure out how to keep my schedule on the weekend.

I am still on Chapter 5 because I feel like I didn't focus on that chapter as much yesterday. I have always thought that chapter 5 is important because that is where we read about how Sariah complained against Lehi for sending her sons back to Jerusalem. It must have been awful to sit there and wait and wonder what was happening. It would be agonizing as a parent to wonder what was happening to your children for so long without any communication. For me this is a remiinder to me that I need to just pray before I start complaining about something that I don't understand. I would hate to be the person who complained so much that I forced someone to not follow the commandments. I certainly hope I have never done that.

I also like this chapter because at the end I feel like Nephi gets to really see the blessings from all he had to endure to fulfill the Lord's commandments. Aren't those some of the sweetest times in our lives, when we can look back and see why we were led to do certain things and why Heavenly Father had us take a certain course. I remember when I decided to go on a mission and that I was surprised that I made the decision to go. It wasn't the path I thought I would take and I was scared to do it. But now that I have completed it and have the ability to look back at what led me to the decision I made and what I accomplished for the Lord during the mission and what blessings I have recieved since, it makes sense and I see why I was led in that direction. I am and always will be thankful that the promptings were strong enough for me to understand and not be able to ignore. I think it is a good lesson to always remmeber that one day we will understand why we needed to do certain things and why we needed to endure certain trials. It gives me comfort to know that there really is a plan laid out for us and we will have the blessings promised to us as we continue to seek the Lord's will and follow it.

I think I am done for tonight. Maybe not my best study, but I am glad that I made sure I did it instead of excusing myself. I won't lie, I thought about excusing myself more than once. As my Mom ALWAYS tells me, "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." I totally hate that line and I try hard to not let me be that person. My Mom is a smart woman who knew I would always try to prove myself! Thank You for that.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Let us Be Strong Like unto Moses

I have moved on to chapters 4 and 5 in 1 Nephi. So here is Nephi following the commandments and having to make this trip with is unbelieving older brothers. Thank goodness for Sam, at least Nephi had that support. So they go to accomplish their task and it doesn't work out. Nephi's strength and faith amaze me because he has to sit their deal with his older brothers complaints and whining. I mean, they had some reasonable argument so be afraid of Laban and his 50 men. But Nephi wouldn't even allow it. He just reminds them that the Lord is mightier than Laban and his fifty men. 1 Nephi 4:1, "for behold he is mightier than all the earth, then why not mightier than Laban and his fifty, yea, or even than his tens of thousands?" For me I think the most difficult part about this situation would be standing up to my family. Not that I have a difficult family myself, I really love my family and I mean ALL family, parents, sisters, husband, kids, in-laws. But if I were in a situation where I had to tell them no, we will struggle longer until we have accomplished the task, that would be harder than facing Laban and his men. I like to please my family and I would feel awful to oppose them in such a way. So I think Nephi had great courage to actually be the leader he needed to be over his older brothers. I am thankful that I have a good family surrounding me so that I don't find myself in that sort of situation.

I love Nephi's example he gives next. In verse 2 he says, "...let us be strong like unto Moses; for he truly spake unto the waters of the Red Sea and they divided hither and thither, and our fathers came through, out of captivity, on dry ground, and the armies of Pharaoh did follow and were drowned in the waters of the Red Sea. What I think is interesting about this example is that Moses I don't' think knew he would be parting the Red Sea until he got there. He was just following the commandments given to him as they came, just as Nephi is doing. They are just going step by step not really knowing what the next step is. Nephi will soon learn what his next step in verse 10 where he is commanded to slay Laban. So in thinking about yesterdays post and wondering if I am really following commandments or promptings when things seem to block me from my goal, I guess if I look at Nephi and Moses they had HUGE blockades in front of what they were commanded to do, but the followed the promptings one step at a time with faith that they would get to the end goal. It seemed like they knew the main goal...leading people to righteousness and salvation, but they didn't necessarily know the steps to get there. I guess I need to learn to focus on what the main goal is and just try to live and desire the knowledge I need to receive the step by step instructions. Does any of that make sense? It kind of does in my head.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Mysteries of God

So I am still studying in 1 Nephi 2 and 3. I was thinking this morning that one of my problems in studying is a lack of patience. I naturally just try to read real fast so I can see the progess of my work. But this time I want to go slowly and really try to think about the things I am reading. The class I am doing is really helping me because there are questions for me to answer that help me think about things I would normally skip over. So yesterday I read chapters 2 and 3 and today I am answering questions. So...some new things stuck out at me today as I was answering questions.

The first one was the verse in 1 Nephi 2:16, "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless being large in stature, and also having great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did belive all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers." In the past when I have read this scripture I usually think Nephi being young and large because it portrays a hero to me and I think he is a hero. And I think of how he is a good son because he did what he needed to do so he could have faith in his father. Or what I have been taught about...and that is the fact that he went to find out for himself what he should instead of just following with blind faith. The words that stuck out to me today were"...having great desires to know the MYSTERIES of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord;" For some reason, and you will most likely think this is strange, but whenever I read or hear about the mysteries of God I invision mysteries about the universe or something on a much larger scale that I don't feel apply to me at this time, something I can't wrap my mind around. Is that weird of me? Anyways, today when I was reading this part I felt like maybe he was talking about the mysteries in terms of why they were being led out of Jeruselem, why they were leaving all their things behind and going on this difficult journey, or maybe just confirming that his father isn't crazy and really being led by the Lord as a prophet of God. It occurred to me that mysteries can be close to home, not just far out there unexplainable sciencey(not a real word, I know, but I just make words up to explain myself) type things. I don't know that I always have the great desire to know the mysteries, not even the ones close to home for me because I guess I just always try to go with the flow. But it is important to have the desire for knowledge because it can lead us to a greater faith and to have a deeper understanding of God's will for us. I am excited to have realized this today. It really has opened up my mind a little more for things that I should and could be praying about.

Next thing that jumped out at me. 1 Nephi 2:18, "But, behold, Laman and Lemuel would not hearken unto my words; and being grieved because of the hardness of their hearts I cried unto the Lord for them: So here is my confession. I am stubborn. VERY stubborn. Everyone who knows me knows this. I am not so sure that my heart would be grieving like Nephi's and I know for a fact that it is really difficult for me to pray or cry unto the Lord for those who oppose me. I don't think that it is uncommon for me to feel like this, but that isn't an excuse for me to not change those things. So I write this as a rmeinder to myself that I should not get angry and frustrated when not being listened to, but grieved and that I should CRY unto the Lord. I think this advice will come in handy when my children are teenageers, so I better start practicing now so it will be natural for me later!

Last thought for today, 1 Nephi 3:15-16 "...As the Lord liveth, and as we live, we will not go down unto our father in the wilderness until we have accomplished the thing which the Lord hath commanded us. Wherefore, let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord..." This is what Nephi said to his brothers after Laban threw out Laman threatening to slay him. Now...if I was commanded to do something and then I go to do it and it doesn't work out...I think I would feel discouraged. Maybe even question whether or not I was really commanded to do so. I have to ask myself...would I keep trying. Would I keep fighting the trial to accomplish this specific commandment? Would I still trust that I was actually commanded to do that thing? I often am not sure if I am truly feeling the Spirit or if they are my own thoughts and movements. There have been times in my life when I have known without doubt that I have been prompted by the Spirit and I am thankful for those experiences because they in large hold together my testimony. What I really want now is to figure out the smaller promptings and to be able to recognize them. How do I learn how to do that? And how do I make sure that if I don't succeed at fulfilling what I think is a prompting that I don't doubt myself and give up?

Am I totally random? These first few chapters have so much in them and so much to think about. Just wait until the Isaiah chapters, I have never understood them well...you will probably just get one sentence out of me then, if I can even understand enought to get that much out!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Faith, Courage and Obedience

Today I was reading 1 Nephi 2-3(I am a slow reader) reading about the character of Nephi and the famous scripture in 1 Nephi 3:7. In my online class there is a quote from President Marion G. Romney and he talks about how great it would be for our children to be armed with the knowledge and example of Nephi...that they would say as he said..."I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

I have always loved this scripture because deep inside of me that is the person I long to be. There are times in my life when I have been that person, and there are times when I haven't been. But raising 2 little children now I panic at the thought of them out there on their own. I want to know how I can give them the desire to be as Nephi. How did MY parents let us out and live with that same fear? I know it has to be done, but seriously...how do we give this faith and courage to our children? I know we can't force it on them and sometimes I feel like that is what I do...forcing them to share, to be polite, to apologize...but I don't' know that I am teaching the concept of why we share, why we are polite, why we apologize or why it makes us happier to choose the right. I guess instead of forcing I just need to teach the principles, be the example and have faith and pray a lot that they will catch on. My little ones pay attention even though it doesn't seem like it and I forget that sometimes. Funny little side note, the other day I was swimming with Dani and she turned to me and plunged her hand towards me like she was holding out a sword and yelled out..."ISHMAEL". I couldn't stop laughing because I didn't realize that somewhere at home or at church she was listening and at least remember his name. Later that week when we were reading scriptures together Ishmael came up in the scripture and she got excited and kept yelling it over and over...I could hardly even finish reading because it was funny to me.

This brings me to another thought. I would like to think that I have the same desire for obedience as Nephi did. As I think about what I do on a daily basis I don't feel like I am not obedient or that I am rebellious, but I am not so sure that I am really listening for inspirations for what I should be doing today. Like this morning, I woke up with my little girl, then the baby woke up, I fed them and then I went to a playgroup....we played, we came home, put the baby down for a nap, then my other when was doing her own thing and here I am studying. SO...first the first half of the day I haven't really stopped to think or listen for inspiration. So..could I be missing some important things that I should or should not be doing and am I really being obedient if I am not even taking a second to listen? I am not really sure, but I think this week I will try to remember to take some quiet moments to listen and see how it works out for me. Also in 2 Nephi 2:19 the Lord said to Nephi.."Blessed art thou, Nephi, because of they faith, for thou hast sought me diligently, with lowliness of heart." And I wish I knew exactly what Nephi was doing to seek the Lord. I know my thoughts often wander from crafts, what I could do to inexpensively decorate my home, what cute skirt I can make for Dani or what I can do with the little guy's room or if I should finally give him a haircut. I currently don't feel like I am DILIGENTLY seeking, but I do feel like I am seeking the Lord, but mostly before I go to bed and on Sundays. Is it enough? Probably not I am guessing. If you were to die today...what do you think the Lord would say to you? I ask myself that often...I have yet to have a day when I feel TOTALLY comfortable about what might be said to me...but some days I feel OK...so I am going to work on ending a day when I can feel TOTALLY comfortable...or is that even possible?

Last thought on obedience. I sometimes think that if I was asked to give up my possessions or to go on another mission or anything big like that I know I would whole heartedly say yes. Because those are things that are clear to me as something that the Lord wants me to do. But on a day to day basis I feel like it seems more difficult for me. I really do think about things that don't matter much, or I think about how to save up money for things I want or things I want my husband or kids to have. I wonder if the Lord asked me to not think of those things and to instead think of services I can render, talents I can share, member missionary work...I wonder if I would be so willing. Sometimes it seems easier for me to sacrifice something big than it is to sacrifice something little. Maybe it is the little things day to day that really count the most. I don't know...

This has been a really good thinking session for me and a little mini re-evaluation of me and what I do everyday. I think I can do better. I will let you know how things progress as I try.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Beginning

Ok, so blogging isn't new to me because I have a personal family blog just for family to read. However, public blogging is very scary and intimidating to me because I am very used to shying away from attention and throwing myself out there for criticism and mocking. Don't get me wrong, I am a confident person, just very private. But the thought of starting my studies and having others involved in teaching me and giving me new insight is very exciting.

I have been struggling to be consistent in my studies of the scriptures and I just found these great online courses at BYU for self improvement. The best part is that they are free, but it is an actual college course designed by a professor there I think. At least what I did today felt like I was in school again and I really enjoyed it. So in the this blog I have decided that I am going to follow this course just record the things that have popped out at me, any thoughts I might have or questions.

Oh, I guess I was maybe not so clear in what I am studying. I am studying the Book of Mormon. If you want to know the course I am doing you just need to go to www.BYU.edu website and at the blottom of the homepage there should be a selection of courses online. Browse through the self improvement courses and you will find it. They have some others that I am excited to look at when I am done with this one. If you haven't heard of the Book of Mormon before or if you don't have one and you don't know what I am talking about you can go to this link (http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/basic-beliefs/free-media/free-media?gclid=CN7dyoejrpwCFQ_yDAodvBPDk) and order yourself one.

Yesterday and today I spent studying the introduction of the Book of Mormon, why it is so important to me and to everyone and its purpose. There are a lot of things that I already know, but the thing that REALLY jumped out at me was the fact that true Prophets of God kept these records for OUR day. These were not records for the people at that time, they were made for US. Why would God find these records so important to preserve them to come forth in these days for us? That was an important question I asked myself today. First, why wouldn't he preserve records and instruction for us today? He has done it before and He has always worked through living prophets. Also, it is because He promised to bring His gospel to the earth again. He needed to have an untampered record for us to follow so we would have the FULLNESS of His gospel. He gave us these scriptures to save us from condemnation and gave warning that we are not to take them lightly. I realize that I have been taking them lightly recently. It is easy for me to feel like I am reading stories, but I felt today that I wasn't reading a fairytale, but I was reading a record or like a journal from many Prophets of God. They knew that these records were important and they lived to follow God's commands to live righteously and to make a record for us.

When I think about all of this it makes me think about what God's will for me is today and tomorrow and everyday. In someways I feel good about what I do, and in other ways I feel like I am definately not focused on the important things and I am not serving the Lord enough. Right now in my life I am craving that goodness that comes from really REALLY living for the Lord and really REALLY seeking out His will. This may sound a little bad, but when I start to think about it it scares me a little because it feels overwhelming and tiring. I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way sometimes.

Several years ago I served a mission in Sendai Japan and I remember being in the MTC and leaving my family and being on my own. I all of a sudden felt nervous because I knew I wanted to be completely obedient and put my whole heart and soul into and the thought of making sure I did that seemed very overwhelming and tiring. I was afraid I wouldnt' be able to do it. But I am glad I got rid of that fear and nervousness and just threw myself in there and risked failure because I loved serving as a missionary and I see now what my purposes were there. I can honestly say that throwing myself in and not being afraid of tiredness and failure has left me with NO REGRETS!

Now that I am done typing this first entry it is interesting to me to see what was flowing in my mind. There may not have been flowing thoughts to anyone who is reading and you might have to connect the dots, but at least for me there was flowing. Not really what I was expecting, but I feel good right now and I am glad I am doing this.