Faith, Courage and Obedience

Today I was reading 1 Nephi 2-3(I am a slow reader) reading about the character of Nephi and the famous scripture in 1 Nephi 3:7. In my online class there is a quote from President Marion G. Romney and he talks about how great it would be for our children to be armed with the knowledge and example of Nephi...that they would say as he said..."I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

I have always loved this scripture because deep inside of me that is the person I long to be. There are times in my life when I have been that person, and there are times when I haven't been. But raising 2 little children now I panic at the thought of them out there on their own. I want to know how I can give them the desire to be as Nephi. How did MY parents let us out and live with that same fear? I know it has to be done, but seriously...how do we give this faith and courage to our children? I know we can't force it on them and sometimes I feel like that is what I do...forcing them to share, to be polite, to apologize...but I don't' know that I am teaching the concept of why we share, why we are polite, why we apologize or why it makes us happier to choose the right. I guess instead of forcing I just need to teach the principles, be the example and have faith and pray a lot that they will catch on. My little ones pay attention even though it doesn't seem like it and I forget that sometimes. Funny little side note, the other day I was swimming with Dani and she turned to me and plunged her hand towards me like she was holding out a sword and yelled out..."ISHMAEL". I couldn't stop laughing because I didn't realize that somewhere at home or at church she was listening and at least remember his name. Later that week when we were reading scriptures together Ishmael came up in the scripture and she got excited and kept yelling it over and over...I could hardly even finish reading because it was funny to me.

This brings me to another thought. I would like to think that I have the same desire for obedience as Nephi did. As I think about what I do on a daily basis I don't feel like I am not obedient or that I am rebellious, but I am not so sure that I am really listening for inspirations for what I should be doing today. Like this morning, I woke up with my little girl, then the baby woke up, I fed them and then I went to a playgroup....we played, we came home, put the baby down for a nap, then my other when was doing her own thing and here I am studying. SO...first the first half of the day I haven't really stopped to think or listen for inspiration. So..could I be missing some important things that I should or should not be doing and am I really being obedient if I am not even taking a second to listen? I am not really sure, but I think this week I will try to remember to take some quiet moments to listen and see how it works out for me. Also in 2 Nephi 2:19 the Lord said to Nephi.."Blessed art thou, Nephi, because of they faith, for thou hast sought me diligently, with lowliness of heart." And I wish I knew exactly what Nephi was doing to seek the Lord. I know my thoughts often wander from crafts, what I could do to inexpensively decorate my home, what cute skirt I can make for Dani or what I can do with the little guy's room or if I should finally give him a haircut. I currently don't feel like I am DILIGENTLY seeking, but I do feel like I am seeking the Lord, but mostly before I go to bed and on Sundays. Is it enough? Probably not I am guessing. If you were to die today...what do you think the Lord would say to you? I ask myself that often...I have yet to have a day when I feel TOTALLY comfortable about what might be said to me...but some days I feel OK...so I am going to work on ending a day when I can feel TOTALLY comfortable...or is that even possible?

Last thought on obedience. I sometimes think that if I was asked to give up my possessions or to go on another mission or anything big like that I know I would whole heartedly say yes. Because those are things that are clear to me as something that the Lord wants me to do. But on a day to day basis I feel like it seems more difficult for me. I really do think about things that don't matter much, or I think about how to save up money for things I want or things I want my husband or kids to have. I wonder if the Lord asked me to not think of those things and to instead think of services I can render, talents I can share, member missionary work...I wonder if I would be so willing. Sometimes it seems easier for me to sacrifice something big than it is to sacrifice something little. Maybe it is the little things day to day that really count the most. I don't know...

This has been a really good thinking session for me and a little mini re-evaluation of me and what I do everyday. I think I can do better. I will let you know how things progress as I try.