How many times can I start this up again?

So I am SHOCKED that it has been 2 years.  I just can't seem to get a habit going here!  But on the positive side I think I am the perfect example of imperfection, he he he.  but since I am pretty sure I am the only one who logs onto this sad little blog I am going to change things up.  It really is just going to be my little journal of thoughts and scripture study.   I am starting my study over again on The Book of Mormon and this time my study guide is a book called, "Your Study of The Book of Mormon Made Easier".  So far So good.  I just started reading it this week and I love it!

Today it Sunday, it is like 10:30 at night and my house is SILENT!  All the little ones are asleep as well as the big one and I am left to think about the things I want to think about.  There are so many things ranging from what I learned at Church to what I need to do tomorrow to what things I want to go shopping for:)  But there were a few things that really jumped out at me at Church today.  One thing that was said was, "Our gratitude to the Lord is a measure of our love for Him".  That really stung as I sat and tried to think of the things I have been giving thanks for lately.  Sometimes when I pray I become monotonous, not because I don't really think the things I am saying, I am just not digging deeper to express myself more fully.  That takes energy...and I don't always have the willpower to dig any up by the time I am on my knees and praying, which seems like a problem with my priorities, but I am only human.  When I say that sentence "stung" me, it really did because I know how much I really do love my Father in Heaven and my Savior, but if the gratitude I have shown is what measures my love I have not done a  good enough job !  There really is so much I am grateful for....SO MUCH.  I know that I have been lucky all my life and that I have been given so much.  As I have been thinking about this, I was thinking about my as a parent and my children.  I get so annoyed when I they seem ungrateful for something and I sometimes will lecture them about it and am less likely to want to give them something anytime soon.  But is that how my Heavenly Father is...sometimes I think He is because he needs to remind me to be humble and to recognize the gifts I have been given and other times I think He shows patience with me.  As I related this to myself being a parent I realized that I am probably missing out on a lot of different blessings because I have not been so grateful.  I miss out on a deeper level relationship with my Father, I miss out on growth because the lack of responsibility I show.  I am glad for this insight today because it was a great reminder to me to be grateful and express it, to those who need to hear it!  Because I think I forget to show it, that is probably why I have to keep re-teaching it to my children...they could use a better example! 

The other thing we talked about today was how only the merciful will receive mercy.   It was based on the talk given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf found in the May Ensign. My thought that I walked away with is that for the most part is that usually people don't have cruel intentions.  If they have done anything to offend us, they certainly probably weren't trying to, especially those closest to us.  In his talk he said, "When we feel hurt, angry, or envious, it is quite easy to judge other people, often assigning dark motives to their actions in order to justify our own feelings of resentment."  I just think it hit the  nail on the head with that sentence.  That is exactly what happens when we are feeling bad about something.  Even if we aren't hurt I think we do this just because maybe we feel jealous or we don't want to feel like certain people are "pulling ahead" of us so we assign dark motives to very normal things that they do.  It is certainly easy to take something innocent and twist and turn it to something evil...that is a gift from Satan.  If we can remember that no one really wants to be evil and if we can have the strength and willpower to allow us to NOT justify the negative feelings then we will have the power to forgive and show mercy, just as the Lord gives it to us so freely. 

Glad I wrote this out today.  I was worried I would forget the great things I learned.  I feel like it will stick in my heart and mind a little longer now!

How do we nourish the seed?

In Alma 33 the people ask Alma how they can nourish this seed? Alma, as any good teacher would, refers back to scriptures. He quotes Zenos, Zenock and Moses. He begins by talking about prayer, Zenos pretty much thanks God for hearing him in all the many many places he has cried out from, the wilderness, in his field, when he prayed for his enemies, in his house, closet and so on. I think the point was that to nourish our seed we have to turn to the Lord. Turn to him in prayer, always and everywhere. At the end of this chapter he talks about Moses. He says "a type was raised up in the wilderness, that whosoever would look upon it might live." He continues to say many looked and lived, some were so so hardened they just wouldn't look and they perished.

How crazy is that...all you would have to do is look at something and you would be saved, you would live. Or you could decide that it wouldn't work so you just wouldn't look at all. CRAZY! But when we stop and think about it...how do we apply this in our lives? What things are we "not looking" at because we have no faith in it. How could we actually "live" because we decided to take that leap of faith and look. I know there are times when I just dont' believe something would happen or someone would believe me...so I just didn't try. But I am happy for the times that I just shoved my disbelief, fears, pride and hardness of heart in the trash and focused on faith. Those are the great memories where I can really see God's hand in my life. Where I see my own personal miracles. When I lived in Japan as a missionary I had developed a friendship with one of the girls in our English class that we taught. I had decided to ask her if she wanted to learn about the gospel. But I was nervous...for some weird reason I forget that there are people searching for truth and there are people who really want to know what we have to teach. I remember the exact moment when I gulped down my fears of being inadequate to actually teach about gospel and just asked her. Turns out that she had been waiting for someone to ask. She was dying to learn and she did. We are still friends to this day and I am thankful...so thankful that I decided to experiment on the word...to just be faithful that I was doing was God wanted me to do.

Questions to ponder: What are we avoiding today? How can we better our lives by "looking" so that we might live...really live? Will I write down the things that I need to face in order to grow? Am I praying in my home, in my closets, in the field and in the wilderness?

The Experiment

The second half of Alma 32 is where he asks us to "experiment upon my words". he asks us to exercise a particle of faith, even if it is just the desire to believe. He compares the word to a seed. He says if we plant it in our heart and nourish it it will swell and we will know it is good. If we have unbelief and don't nourish it it will not grow. If the seed is not good then it will be cast away.

I often am looking for answers and seeking God's will for me. There are a lot of days when I stop and realize that my thoughts have only been for myself and not for my Heavenly Father. I really want to be better at really seeking the Lord's will everyday because I know I will accomplish more worthwhile tasks. One are that I always feel lost in is parenting. I am always asking and trying to figure out what it is I should be doing with my children. I don't know that I have felt exact guidance, I know generally what I need to be doing...pray, scriptures, family home evening and stuff like that. We always do library time once a week and playgroups with friends, but just one on one I never know what to do. Today I decided that I wanted to just listen and to just do what seems good. I knew that if it wasn't right I would feel something not clicking...that would be the bad seed...it would just be cast away. If I was doing good then I would feel it. There was a moment today while Danielle was at school and Travis and I were eating lunch. I sat there with him and we talked a bit and just were kicking back enjoying our time. We weren't in a rush, nothing was on my mind...it was just us hanging out. For a moment my mind opened up, everything seemed so clear and peaceful. I realized that the seed was good. Just spending that calm time together without any distractions was the right thing at that moment. I know Heavenly Father was telling me that it was good. I get so caught up in feeling like I need to be "doing" with my children when sometimes I need to not be "doing" anything but just being with them and enjoying them.

I think to experiment upon the word isn't just about faith in the gospel, but about our faith in all things. To experiment by placing faith in the areas we feel weak and as we nurture that seed and it swells we will perfect it and can experiment in another area and continually grow to become more like our Savior. I am so glad for the small experiences in my life...they are the ones that fine tune my faith and really anchor it to the foundation my parents raised me on.

Things to ponder today: What can experiment my faith on today? What are my weak areas that need improvement? What other experiences have I had where I can see the good seed swelling or the bad seed being cast away? How can reflecting on these experiences help me in the future?

How is your faith?

I have always felt that my faith has been strong. Any trial I have faced in my life I can honestly say I have never faced alone, I have turned to the Lord for strength and guidance. I am so happy about that. As I sit here and think about faith I realize that I have faith, but my actions are not always proving to me that it is as strong as I have thought it was. With faith we must have action or it will not grow. Alma 32 is about Alma preaching to the poor. He basically tells them that they needed to be poor and have these great afflictions because it was the only way for them to be hunbled so that they could find faith. He says something really important in verse 16, "Therefore, blessed are they who humble themselves without being compelled to be hunble; or rather, in other words, blessed is he that believeth in teh word of God, and is baptized without stubborness of heart, yea, without being brought to know the word, or even compelled to know, before they will believe."
I know that I have always believed without being compelled. It has always felt right and I tend to go with my instincts. But from there I have studied and prayed and I know the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know He is the Son of God. Eventhought I know these things I do find that looking back at some of my trials I see they were given to me to become humble, to clear my vision so that I could see God's plan for me. I guess growing in faith is a continual process...duh! I think back to when I decided to go on a mission. My mind was totally closed off to going on a mission, I really didn't feel like that was the plan for me. I was at college and I had gone through a really rough year, it brought me to my knees often, I ran a lot to think about why things were so hard and one day it hit me that God's plan for me was that I needed to go and serve a mission for the church. It took an entire year to get me humble to see this plan and have the humility to go do it without question...and it was life changing and the one of the greatest blessings of my life. I am so glad my was strong enough to actually listen and that my family supported me so that I could serve the Lord in that capacity.

Here are some good questions to ask yourself for reflection:
What experiences have you had to build your faith? What were the real eye openers? How does this help you now to recognize when they Lord is trying to tell you something. Are you listening to Him now...really listening? Are you truly humble and ready to do His will?

What should we be?

Alma is preaching in Gideon...this teacing stood out to me the most. Alma 7:23-24..."And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive adn gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive. And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works."

How are you doing in being these things? I will spend my lifetime working on having these qualities...but I know that they are god-like qualities and as I work to make them apart of me I am happier and more fulfilled in my life. My challenge from this: to return "...thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive..." Make a list of all the things you have received this week...both spiritual and temporal...I know my will be longer than I think it will. I have so much to be thankful for.

My soul was racked with eternal torment

Has you soul ever been racked with eternal torment? I can't say that mine has in the way that Alma the younger's has, or at least not for the same reasons. Just a quick recap in the previous chapter, Alma the younger is introduced and is the son of Alma. Alma the younger is rebellious, along with the sons of Mosiah. In some ways knowing this about the boys leaves me with feelings of hope. First, Alma and Mosiah were both men of God, they were diligently doing the Lord's work and yet their sons sinned greatly, rebelled and worked just as hard to flatter others away from the gospel and teachings of Christ. Why does this give me hope, first, very selfishly, it helps me to remember that I have to let my children choose and they may not choose the right and it won't be because I was a terrible mother. Now, I will probably always blame myself for any wrong they might do, but there might be days that I will remember that I have worked my hardest to teach them and lead them to a path of righteousness and ultimately to eternal happiness. The other hope I have from this story is that Alma prayed mightily for his son, that he would know the gospel, that he would know of his Savior and the love of God. Because of Alma's righteousness and faith, Alma the younger was visited by an Angel and was so shocked that he fell into a state of dumbness. Alma fasted for 2 days, he really really loved his son. My favorite part is the where Alma the younger snaps out of it and receives strength to stand and here is what he says: Mosiah 27:24-31- For, said he, I have repented of my sins, and have been redeemed of the Lord; behold I am born of the Spirit. And the Lord said unto me: Marvel not that all mankind, yea, men and women, all nations, kindreds, tongues and people, must be born again; yea, born of God, changed from their carnal and fallen state, to a state of righteousness, being redeemed of God, becoming his sons and daughters; And thus they become new creatures; and unless they do this, they can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God. I say unto you, unless this be the case, they must be cast off; and this I know, because I was like to be cast off. Nevertheless, after wading through much tribulation, repenting nigh unto death, the Lord in mercy hath seen fit to snatch me out of an everlasting burning, and I am born of God. My soul hath been redeemed from the gall of bitterness and bonds of iniquity. I was in the darkest abyss; but now I behold the marvelous light of God. My soul was racked with eternal torment; but I am snatched , and my soul pained no more. I rejected my Redeemer, and denied that which had been spoken of by our fathers; but now that they may forsee that he will come, and that he remembereth every creature of his creating, he will make himself manifest unto all. Yea, every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess before him. Yea, even at the last day, when all men shall stand to be judged of him then shall they confess that he is God; then shall they confess, who live without God in the world, that the judgment of of an everlasting punishment is just upon them; and they shall quake, and tremble and shrink beneath the glance of his all-searching eye.

After this experience Alma the younger goes to teach the word of God and is met with persecution and tribulation, but as we will continue to read, he is diligent...truly born of God.

The words of the scriptures are so powerful to me when I read them. They use such words and emotion, they have so much conviction in the tone of what they write that I can't help but feel what they are saying and connecting to them. I have not murdered or ever tried to lead anyone from the gospel so I can't feel like I would understand his type of torment that he must have felt, but I am clearly no where near perfect and when I really feel the weight of my imperfections on my shoulders I feel that torment. I feel gross and sad and weak. But I am glad I turn to my Father above to repent and not hide or runaway from him. The sweet feeling of forgiveness and love and mercy that I feel during those moments really build me up and carry me a long way. There is a song they children have learned in primary called, "I know that my Savior Loves Me" I think:) There is a line that says, "wrapped in the arms of my Savior's love, I feel His gentle touch" It is one of my favorite parts of the song because I relate. I have felt that love, I have felt his gentle touch...I believe this is what Alma the Younger is feeling in these verses. You can feel his rejoicing in being redeemed from his terrible and gross sins.

What hope and joy the scriptures give me when I read them and really think about them and ponder them and just feel what they are saying to me at that particular moment. I am so thankful for the knowledge I have been blessed to have of the gospel. I am so thankful that I know my Savior, that I know my Heavenly Father, that they speak to me through the still small voice of the Holy Ghost. I am so glad my parents taught me in righteousness and for their example, my sisters' examples and my friends' examples. I am lucky to be married to a man of God who desires only to do good and constantly stresses over being better and what God wants him to be and me to be and our family to be. I love my Savior, I know He died for me and atoned for my sins and that I also will be redeemed and I will return to my Heavenly Father and Savior to live eternally with my family, as long as we do all that we can to follow His commandments. I know that we can all have this peace and joy and eternal happiness.

Mosiah 25

This is a great chapter. This is where the people of Zarahemla join the Nephites and King Mosiah reads to them the account of Zeniff and Alma. After he reads to them they were fill with exceedingly great joy (verse 8)for those who were delivered from bondage, sorrw for those who were slain and they gave thanks to God for delivering Alma and his brethren. I like this part of the story because the people care, they cared greatly for these others that they felt emotions of joy and of sorrow. Those are true Christ-like qualities. I would love to train myself to be more aware of others and what their situations are and what they are doing so that I can feel with them...have empathy and compassion, joy and sorrow. In verse 11 they it talks of how they felt pain and anguish for the welfare of the souls of the Lamanites. I am not sure that I am aware enough to think on those that are choosing the wrong path, maybe it is because I dont' know too many people that have chosen another direction, one that will bring them sorrow, but I definately think that I need to care more and be more aware.

After all this reading, Limhi and his people are desirous to be baptized and so Alma baptizes them. There are so many people that they have to organize churches and teachers over those churches. But it is made clear that the only things preached were from the words of Alma, that came from God. So it was ONE church amoung all the churches. Sound familiar? I know it is God's way, how could he organize his church any other way? I was thinking back to my days as a full time missionary, I was thinking about Alma and him preaching to the people of Limhi and I was thinking of other prophets like Noah and how he was commanded to preach to the people repentance, even though he knew it was in vain. I am probably thinking of these things because I work in the Primary and this months song is "Follow the Prophet" and we have been focused on prophets. My biggest thought was about how the Lord commanded them to preach repentance and faith on the Lord. That was my calling as well as a missionary and my duty now as a diciple of Christ. But I wonder if faith is actually strong enough that if commanded, I would have the faith to stand up in front of even just one or hundreds and preach the word of the Lord as the prophets did. They were so bold, they faced death, they were mocked and threatened. I know as a missionary I could preach the word of God, I had a special tag, a special calling, that was my job...it was different. Now, I think of myself and I can hardly speak up sometimes to as someone to reach something in a grocery shelf that is too high for me to reach. So would I be bold enough if the Lord required me to do so? I don't know. If I knew ahead of time that I needed to speak with someone and boldly bear testimony of what I know is true, but that person was strongly against everything I believed, would I be able to boldy speak to them without fear or shyness? The honest answer: I don't know. I haven't been in that situation. I have born testimony to others investigating the gospel, but they had an interest so that wasn't hard. It makes me wonder and reflect on myself more. I hate that I have to actually wonder, I would love for my answer to be a capital YES and know without doubt that i am bold enough, but I am not 100% sure. SOOOOO....I will be working on knowing that I am bold enough. I know my testimony for myself and would never shrink from it, I just don't know about my boldness in sharing with others. Isn't that weird? I served a mission for 18 months and it wasn't hard for me to share the gospel boldy, but now living my normal life I have to question myself. Interesting.

Anywyas, the last verse in chapter 25 says, "And they were called the people of God. And the Lord did pour out his Spirit upon them, and they were blessed, and prospered in the land." Let us all remember that as we live as people of God, follow His commandments he will always send us the Spirit, we will always be blessed and we will always prosper. It is only our own pride and selfishness or idleness that ever ruins that wonderful life!

More on Limhi and his people

So to pick up where I left off last time, I wanted to talk about verse 15 of Mosiah 21. The Lord was slow to hear their cries, but he did hear them, he softened the hearts of the Lamanites, but didn't see fit to deliver them out of bondage. I thought that was interesting. Sometimes when we struggle in our lives and we are pouring our hearts and souls to the Lord, he doesn't always deliver us from our problems. Sometimes it is because of our pride and sin, because we were slow to obey His commandments...as is the case here. Sometimes it is because He has a plan for us and it will happen with his timing. I always try to remember that if I can remain patient the Lord may have something even better in store for me, if I will just be patient and obedient. Sometimes He doesn't deliver us because he knows we need more growth, it is for our own good, just painful. I remember waiting an entire year for my husband to finally get to start his job. He knew he had a job in line, but waiting for them to tell him where and when his training will begin was torture! He watched fellow classmates all begin within months after graduation college and we sat, no phone calls, no emails, no indication as to what is going on and when he will get to begin. It was agonizing. I know he prayed mightily, I know i did as well, but the Lord didn't see it fit to deliver us from this trial for almost a year. I look back now and I am grateful for that trial and that time. It really helped me to be grounded with gratitude. I don't care so much about our ugly couches, or that I don't have this thing or that we don't go on fabulous vacations, or that we don't have this or that. I am seriously just THRILLED that my husband has a job, gets a paycheck, we have shelter, we have food and we have our family and the gospel. I think I really needed the trials we faced to strip off all the things that seemed somewhat important, to strip off any dumb complaints I may have had about dumb things and bring me to real happiness again. Happiness that is in the gospel, in my family and not in silly things like, clothes, shoes, houses, furnishings. Don't get me wrong, I do still like those things, but I don't care about them. I feel happier inside for what I have.

So Moshiah 23 is just a great story. This is where Limhi and his people get the Lamanite guards drunk and escape from their bondage. I should mention that by the end of chapter 22 Limhi and his people were desirous to be baptized, they had gained a testimony...so the next chapter the Lord delivers them out of bondage. Probably also important to mention and they had met up with Ammon and his brethren. So Gideon comes up with this fabulous plan to have all the people get ready to escape at night and Gideon would deliver the last tribute of wine. The guards totally fall for it and get drunk and Limhi and his people escaped into the wilderness and to Zarahemla joining Mosiah and his people. By the time guards noticed they went after them and got lost in the wilderness. It was a short chapter, but it is a fun story. Moral of the story, don't get drunk. I think it goes deeper than that, but I do think it helps reinforce why the Lord has given us the Word of Wisdom. I think we can look at this and say, don't be idle. The Lamanite guards probably had too much pride, thinking that they are good fighters and no one could get past them. Because of their pride they probably just rested on that, their minds were not alert to their duties, they allowed themselves to get drunk, and they weren't watchful and because of that they made a big error. In our own lives if we allow ourselves to become idle with our minds and our thoughts, and our acitivites we will also put ourselves in a position to allow Satan into our lives, and that is a big error. If we are feeling comfortable with our testimony so we become idle in our scripture study, our prayer, our journal writing Satan will slip through and take advantage of the power we have given him. If we are not watchful over our families and our activites, making sure we have family home eveing, family prayer, family fun then we will also allow the opportunity for our children or even us as parents escape from the goodness of the gospel, from the Spirit and from the joy and love that is to be built in our homes. That is the message I get from this story. We need to keep our minds sober and not drunken with things of the world or idleness.

Limhi and his people

So I know I have posted like once every 2 months...so consistent am I! Anyways, I have been reading the story of Limhi, so that is where I am. Every once in awhile I may try to go back if i am reminded of something I read earlier, but I just need to do this really try to be consistent every week in writing. Writing in here forces me to be thoughtful about what I am reading and makes me reflect on the words, when I don't I just read quickly and close the book and go off in my daily routine without much reflection or thought. It's terrible. So Mosiah 21 is where I read today. Limhis people were previously attacked by the Lamanites because the Lamanites thought that they were the ones who stole their daughters. At the end of the chapter the Lamanites had been pacified and returned to their land in peace. In chapter 21 it starts off by saying that after some time the Lamanited were getting angry again towards the Nephites. They couldn't kill them or go to war because their is an oath curretnly in place, so instead they pretty much abuse them and put heavy burdens upon their backs and work them hard. I was thinking about this because sometimes we are given rules or we are working to obey the commandments, but it is hard sometimes. So we technically don't "break" the commandments but we do little things that we think keep us within the boundaries, but we still know are wrong. Is that a bit of a stretch. I am thinking of all different things, there are rules of sexual morality, there are the clear rules of what not to do, but there are many who I think might do the things that they can feel are wrong, but technically are not the same so it seems ok or justified. There is President Clinton who didn't inhale, we need to show love and charity to others so we might technically serve them with food or serice, but we may not give true friendship or have some unkind things to say behind their backs. There are so many things in our lives we can compare this to and I think it is important to do some self reflection on this.

In verse 4 it says, "Yea, all this was done that the word of the Lord might be fulfilled." This is referring to when Abinadi had prophesied to the people what would happen...Moshiah 12:2:"...and the Lord said unto me: Strethc forth thy hand and prophesy, saying : Thus saith the Lord, it shall come to pass that this generation, because of their iniquities, shall be brought into bondage, and shall be smitten on the cheek; yea, and shall be driven by mne, and shall be slain; and the vultures of the air, and the dogs, yea, and the wild beasts, shall devour their flesh." So the Lord continues to show us in the scriptures how the prophesies will come true. He shows us these things to increase our faith, although he doesn't show us the things in our own lives so quickly. So smart, it leaves us the opportunity to build our faith in our personal lives, but gives us scripture to give us the faith and hope and to show us that it does happen. So what has our prophet been prophesying? What things are we warned of that we need to take seriously. Getting out of debt, living within our means, stay away from pornography, get your food storage and emergency preparedness together, read the scriptures daily, have Family Home evening and family prayer...these are the things I think of when I think of what I learn from General Conference. There is clearly more, but sometimes I dismiss this as just things we should do to enrich our daily lives, but I do think there is more to it. These are things we are being told to do just like the Nephites were told to repent and live righteously. That's all the time I have for today, but there is more i thought about for the latter part of the chapter that had to do with the Nephites finally becoming humble and crying to the Lord and the Lord hearing them, but being slow in their deliverance because of their sins and pride. Tough lesson to learn...but I will try and touch on that later.

Not quite moving on yet...

I know I said I was going to start where I am currently, but I keep remembering certain areas that really stood out to me and I felt excited to post about, but of course didn't, so as I remember them I just want to point them out. As we can see I am still struggling with routine, but I am getting back on board I think.

Ok, So 2 Nephi chapter 9 is another beautiful and powerful chapter full of exclamation points in all the right places. When I was in high school I remember my Seminary teacher telling us that if we run into exclamation points to go back and pay close attention to them. So I have always done that. There are alot in this chapter and the words really are powerful. I type out the whole chapter, but just a few of the verses and I really really loved. It was actually a little hard to choose because the whole chapter is amazing, but these stood out the most to me.

Verse 40 through 42 and 44: "O, my beloved brethren, give ear to my words. Remember the greatness of the Holy One of Israel. Do not say that I have spoken hard things against you; for if ye do, ye will revile against the truth; for I have spoken the words of your Maker. I know that the words of truth are hard against all uncleanness; but the righteous fear not, for they love the truth and are not shaken. O then, my beloved brethren, come unto the Lord, the Holy One. Remember that his paths are righteous. Behold, the way for man is narrow, but it lieth in a straight course before him, and the keeper of the gate is the Holy One of Israel; and he employeth no servant there; and there is none other way save it be by the gate; for he cannot be deceived, for the Lord God is the name. And whoso knocketh, to him will will he open; and the wise, and the learned, and they that are rich, who are puffed up because of their learning, and their wisdom, and their riches--yea,they are they whom he despiseth; and save they shall cast these things away, and consider themselves fools before God, and come down in the depths of humility, he will not open unto them." "O, my beloved brethren, remember my words. Behold, I take off my garments, and I shake them before you; I pray the God of my salvation that he view me with his all-searching eye; wherefore, ye shall know at the last day, when all men shall be judged of their works, that the God of Israel did witness that I shook your iniquities from my soul, and that I stand with brightness before him, and am rid of your blood."

I love the words at the beginning where Jacob warns to now think that his words are hard. It is a great reminder that we need to listen to all the words of our Prophet. Sometimes things seem so trivial and small and annoying and even a little hard to listen, but they are important, important to our growth, not just maintaining where we are but improving upon ourselves. I am sure we have heard before that we cannot maintain our faith or stay the same, if we are not going upwards, then we are going downwards. It has always been a little difficult for me to follow some of the smaller things, well not smaller, but what seems smaller to me, you know...being idle, or spending my time on the more selfish side in things that aren't really going to satisfy me or choosing a nap over something that enrich my life or others. I frequently cave into those things that kind of seem like smaller issues to me, but they really are big things. I know that I would do a greater work in my life if I would discipline myself to do more, but as it is I often choose a more relaxed path. But I will say that sometimes something will light a fire under me and I can feel when I choose the best things to do for a day.

In the middle Jacob speaks and tells us to come unto the Lord and that he has made our path and that through Him is the only way to pass through the gate. It is a simple truth, but such a glorious one. I feel like I hear it all the time, but the moments when it really connects with me I just want to sit and feel the greatness of this truth. All we have to do is go to the Lord, submit ourselves to the will of God and live by His commandments. We will have eternal glory and happiness.

I love the last verse when Jacob says he shakes his garments, that he will not be responsible for anyone's sins because he spoken God's words to them and to us. He was bold and straightforward and I think he could say this because he could feel that He had done God's will. I love the power in that.

So my question is one, what one thing can we do this year that has been hard for us to listen to, but needs to be done? And 2, how can we make sure we are living and teaching God's word the way He wants us to so that we can stand with brightness before him at the time of judgement?

If you haven't done it in awhile, read this chapter, it is amazing.

Moving on

So I am going to just start off where i am currently, but before I do I want to go back to a chapter that I just really love. So I guess I am not starting off where I am currently...but whatever, that will happen next.

I love chapter 4 in 2nd Nephi. It is just beautiful. When I was in the MTC on getting ready to leave for Japan, one of my companions introduced to me this chapter with great excitement. We decided it was worth memorizing. So for a week we spent all our meal times and right before we went to bed memorizing and reciting a good part of this chapter. It is just beautiful and full of goodness. In this chapter Lehi dies and Nephi just pours his soul out to the Lord. It begins in verse 15 (prepare yourself, I am going to be typing straight scripture so you can just read it without getting out your scriptures right now)

"And upon these I write the things of my soul, and many of the scriptures which are engraven upon the plates of brass. For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children. Behold my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard. Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh. He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me. Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the nighttime. And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me. And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them. O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions? And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy? Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul. Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions. Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation. O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt though make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin? May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of they righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict to the plain road! O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of they righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way--but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy. O Lord, I have trusted in thee and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm. Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen"

I realize I made a million typos and I will try to catch as many as I can, so please excuse my errors. But WOW, is that not the most amazing pouring out of the soul? I cannot read it without feeling the Spirit and feeling Nephi's love for the Lord and great desire for trusting the Lord and for righteousness. It is inspiring and really grounds me. It really helps me to remember where my thoughts and desires should be. His words are beautiful and full of wonderful emotion. When I read something like this it confirms my testimony and faith in God and that these men were truly prophets. I don't think you can fake words or emotions like this. It re-confirms to me the trueness of the gospel and of The Book of Mormon and of God's love for us. I am so thankful that God loves us so much to have had these prophets of old record what was needed for us to help us build and grow in our faith.

Here's to New Year's Resolutions!

So I clearly dropped the ball on my blogging. I think I started working on Halloween costumes and the holidays just consumed me from there. Now they are over and I am trying to get myself grounded again. Despite my lack of blogging I have actually still been studying, not as well and as concentrated as I was while I was blogging, but at least I have been. So my question is this, do I resume my blogging from where I left off, or do I skip to where I am reading now? I am not sure what is the best course of action, any suggestions?

For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things.

(2Nephi 2:11)I never thought I would be grateful for opposition. I am though, really, I am. I don't believe I have been through the most intense trials that others have experienced, but I know I have been through my own that have at times brought me to me knees with great feelings of despair. Because I have felt those things and experienced such opposition I am stronger and it has brought me more happiness. I can honestly say that at this time in my life I am more satisfied and happy than I have ever been before. I believe it because I can better recognize what greatness I have in it, what blessings there are and I have grown with gratitude for the smaller and more important things I have. I judge less harshly, I forgive faster and I have more empathy for others because of what I have experienced in life. I know there is more to come, more opposition, more stretching and pain and more growth and happiness. I have learned that I need to welcome the opposition and bear it gracefully because it truly is for my own good.

I love verse 13 where is speaks of opposition and why it must exist. "And if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all the things must have vanished away." I just feel like this makes so much sense. It is yet more evidence, not that I require any more evidence, but it is just more to show that God lives, He is real and nothing would be here if He did not exist. After this verse Lehi bears testimony that there is a God. I sometimes think it is my favorite part of a person's testimony when they testify of God and our Savior. It is so powerful and really speaks to me when I hear it. It just reinforces what I already know and makes that knowledge more powerful.

Verse 16 is another that just makes sense when I read it. It is speaking of opposition again. "Wherefore, the Lord god gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other." So of course we would need opposition. How could we develop character without it. How could we have choice. It is a blessing that we can choose to be righteous or not, to bear our burdens gracefully or not, to love or not love. If we didn't have that choice we would be living Satan's plan. I have friends that have said to me, "I just think that if there was a God He wouldn't let people suffer with cancer or other horrible things." Because there is a God He allows us to suffer through illness, through hardship, through rejection. He allowed our Savior to suffer through all of it, even all our sins. Because He loves us he allows us that choice. We could not feel happiness or feel at all without choice. If we cannot experience those feelings and emotions, if could not have experience we cannot grow and we would never become like our Father in Heaven. As I am typing this out it just continues to make more and more sense to me. I mean this is all stuff I understood, but I somehow feel it deeper this time around. I feel really motivated right now to really embrace my struggles and really handle them gracefully. For me right now that means being a more loving and gentle mother! That is my greatest struggle right now. Hopefully I will remember this feeling tomorrow morning when I am woken up and tomorrow evening when it is obvious that my children are tired and hungry or in the afternoon when they really crave some good attention! Anyone want to remind me? Just kidding.

Rewards for our trials

In chapter 2 of 2 Nephi in verse 2 I was touched immediately. Lehi is still alive and speaking to his other son Jacob. He says, "Nevertheless, Jacob, my firstborn in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for they gain." Before this verse Lehi mentions how Jacob was his first born during his time of tribulation when they fled Jerusalem. I was touched because it was a good reminder to me that I must always endure my afflictions and I must endure them gracefully because I will be blessed from it. I think I will feel regret in my life if I cannot endure my trials gracefully. I will feel weak and weak in my faith. I do endure my trials, but I cannot say that I endure them gracefully yet. I will feel really good when I can conquer that. If you think about past trials and think of how you endured it are you happy or embarrassed. I have both feelings. At times I have done well, others...not so much. In the following verses Lehi focuses on Jacob's redemption and what he has been blessed with. I like the positive tone of what he says. I need to remember to speak to my children and husband often about the good things in our lives, the good they have done and the gratitude I have for them and for my Savior.

Lehi continues to speak of salvation and redemtion. Verse 8 was powerful to me. "Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth..." He was speaking of the Holy Messiah and redemtion that comes through Him. I sometimes have moments when its like that lightbulb turns on I really do realize how important it is to share the gospel with others. It is our duty, it is God's will and everyone must have an opportunity to choose to accept it. I usually go throughout my day not actually thinking of how I might share the gospel, except for when I pray. But I guess just because I pray about opportunities to share the gospel and just because I pray for the missionaries to be able to share the gospel, doesn't mean that much is going to happen if I am not thinking about it throughout the day. How does one receive inspiration or feel led by the Spirit when it is not being pondered or thought about. My next question to myself is, How do I get myself to think about it with a 4 year old and a 1 year old? I know it can be done because I see how thoughtful others are in their efforts to not only share the gospel, but to serve others. I just am not sure how they exactly get there. Maybe there is an adjustment that I need to make in my life and what I think about, kind of like I did as a missionary. I had to adjust from thinking about my everyday cares to focusing on missionary work. I might have to think about this for a little bit, because I think there is probably a certain balance that is required so that family needs are not neglected.

Speaking of family needs, I should stop here. There is a house that needs cleaning and my children are sleeping.

2 Nephi

This time it was my fault. I fell out of routine. So annoying when I do that. But I am determined to get on track and be diligent. This is pretty typical for me. Usually once I finish 1 Nephi I start to fizzle out a little, not sure why, but I do.

I love the first chapter of 2 Nephi. I think it is easy to feel the emotion of Lehi as he speaks to his children knowing that he will soon die. When I read his words I feel I he feels glory in knowing he has lived a good life(verse 15, "...the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.", but he also feels sorrow or maybe torment for the lives of his rebellious sons(verse 17,"My heart hath been weighed down with sorrow from time to time, for I have feared, lest for the hardness of your hearts the Lord your God should come out in the fulness of his wrath upon you, that ye be cut off and destroyed forever; 18-Or, that a cursing should come upon you for the space of many generations; and ye are visited by sword, and by famine, and are hated, and are led according to the will and captivity of the devil". So I think if my parents said those things to me I would feel a little freaked out, but I wonder if they ever felt that strongly for my salvation. I wasn't quite so rebellious as Laman and Lemuel so I am thinking maybe they didn't worry as strongly, but I do still think they worry for the smaller things in my life and that of my sisters. I can understand that feeling a little, although my children are young, I still feel the panic or sorrow when I see them making decisions that I know will result in sadness. I hate watching it. Sometimes I intervene too much, but sometimes I allow it to happen because I know they need to have experiences to learn, but it doesn't make watching it any easier. I can't imagine what would be felt if I knew I was dying and soon to be gone.

Verse 23 is a great one, he says, "Awake, my sons; put on the armor of righteousness. Shake off the chains with which ye are bound, and come forth out of obscurity, and arise from the dust." I think the words are powerful. It is like he is literally shaking them awake with his words. I think it is amazing when I see that people have the ability to find the right words and put them together to create something powerful with such great feeling. It is my weakness, but I am happy to read and hear from others that have the gift. I think Lehi has that gift from the Lord, crazy that it didn't work so well on Laman and Lemuel.

Following this verse Lehi speaks of Nephi and how righteous he has been. I totally would love to be as Nephi to know that I have lived in a way to make my parents that proud and happy. To give that sort of relief and also to know that I have lived well.

So question time, in verse 28 and 29 Lehi speaks of his "first blessing" "And now my son, Laman and also Lemuel and Sam, and also my sons who are the sons of Ishmael, behold, if ye will hearken unto the voice of Nephi ye shall not perish. And if ye will hearken unto him I leave unto you a blessing, yea, even my first blessing. But if ye will not hearken unto him I take away my first blessing, yea, even my blessing, and it shall rest upon him." I think it shows that it is the Birthright maybe, but what exactly does that mean? And does he give that to all the sons, I was thinking that the birthright was just something that went to the oldest child.

At the end Lehi speaks to Zoram and tells him that he knows he is a "true friend" to Nephi forever. He tells him that because of his faithfulness his see shall be blessed. When we are true friends and help the work of the Lord and support our leaders and Prophet we are also securing blessings for ourselves and our posterity. That gives me great comfort because I know I have many faults and weaknesses, I am not the most talented in ways of parenting and other things, but to know that through my faithfulness I can secure blessings for my children and theirs as well that maybe that can help make up for what I may do wrong in raising them and teaching them. Its not an excuse to not to well, but it is a comfort that maybe my shortcomings can be made up by blessings because I am trying and working to be righteous. I guess that gives me even more incentive to be really good and obedient!

I think that this chapter was very touching, to feel Lehi's emotion as he spoke to his children and friends. I think it makes it easier to relate to him, I can feel what he says but I can also understand my parents feelings better as well. My mom's words always "haunt" me because she really kind of is always right and she ALWAYS made sure that I knew she was and that I would see it someday. But she always used the common phrase, "you will understand when you have your own kids." And so it is true, again she is always right....so annoying!

My favorite verse of the chapter was 15, I will repeat it, "But behold, the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory , and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love." May we all live the kind of life where we can know that the Lord has redeemed us and that we are encirlced in the arms of his love. I can't think of anything more comforting than this.

frustrated

So after getting the computer fixed last time we ended up losing power and internet. Our power was restored the same day, but our internet was out for several days. We have it now, but I feel like I am so thrown off schedule now. Today is a crazy day, I will study, but here is how it is going to work. I have to prepare for a meeting tonight, then take kids to soccer practice and then come home feed them and put them to bed and leave for my meeting. Once I get home my husband will probably be sleeping already because he has to work early in the morning and he has been really sick. Maybe him being sick threw me off schedule too, who knows, so I don't know if I will be able to write today, but I wanted to let everyone know I didn't quit, I am not being lazy, I am just having weird things throw me off schedule. Maybe I am about to make some incredible break through in my learning and Satan is preventing it...or maybe I am not prioritizing correctly, but not blogging while studying has made me notice that it helps me to write while I study. I can record my thoughts faster. I miss it and I will be back to it.

The end of 1 Nephi

I just want to say that our computer has been out of commission for a few days, and then it was a little hard to get back on track. But I am here and back on track. I LOVED General Conference over the weekend. It was amazing. The thing that hit me strongest was when President Monson spoke about service. It made me think about who I am serving and how I can serve more and who and how I should be serving that I am not. If you haven't seen General Conference you can watch it online at http://www.lds.org/.



So 1 Nephi has ended with chapter 22. I am past there now, but I want to write a few things from that chapter that stood out to me. Verse 17 says, "Wherefore, he will preserve the righteous by his power, even if it so be that the fulness of his wrath must come, and the righteous be preserved, even unto the destruction of their enemies by fire. Wherefore, the righteous need not fear; for thus saith the prophet, they shall be saved, even if it so be as by fire." Ok, I just think this confirms which team I want to be on. After listening to our Prophet, President Monson, speak I feel like when I read the words of the Book of Mormon prophets or the Bible prophets I can feel their strength even more. The Spirit has spoken to these men of God to lead us and prepare us and if we will listen and obey we will be preserved. The Lord has said it. Verse 20, "And the Lord will surely prepare a way for his people, unto the fulfilling of the words of Moses, which he spake,, saying: A prophet shall the Lord your God raise up unto you, like unto me; him shall ye hear in all things whatsoever he shall say unto you. And it shall come to pass that all those who will not hear that prophet shall be cut off from among the people. (21) And now I, Nephi declare unto you, that this prophet of whom Moses spake was the Holy One of Israel; wherefore, he shall execute judgment in righteousness." When I read these words I realize I have a lot to work on, but I do not have great fear because I do know I am trying to do what the Lord wants. If I knew He would be here today I would probably do more things like visit a whole bunch of sick people and preach the gospel in a greater capacity....but I know that I should have those feelings in my heart daily, not just as a result of panic:) So there would be some fear or embarrassment I think, I don't know how I would be able to get over that. I guess by doing much better! I think my greater fear would be for people I know that do not have the gospel and that I haven't been more diligently sharing. Its a hard thing to know how much you should be sharing so that the Spirit is felt and it doesn't feel pushy or scary. When I say it's a hard thing does that make me sound like Laman and Lemuel? Anyways, I am thinking of good friends I have had that know my beliefs but I haven't had great success in sharing the gospel with them. I fear for them and that maybe I didn't do enough to bring the gospel to them. Most of these people do not live near me. Do you think just mere contact through emails and blogs is enough? I do not want to face the misery of thinking that I didn't do for someone what I was supposed to do.

Verse 26, "And because of the righteousness of his people, Satan has no power;" I remember learning at church that if we will be righteous we take away Satan's power. It is only us who actually gives him the power. I love knowing that and I hate it at the same time. I love knowing that I, with my Savior, have the power to take away Satan's power. I hate knowing that when I have fallen into temptation, no matter how small, that it was me who gave Satan that power over me. There is no one to blame...there is no innocence in those moments, but thankfully there is repentance and forgiveness!

The last few verses Nephi testifies, it again reminds me of our current Prophet and apostles. They testify to us so that we will know the truth of all things and so that we know TODAY what direction we are to go in. I think it is amazing how their words can touch each and everyone of us in exactly the way we need it. Verses 30-31, "Wherefore, my brethren, I would that ye should consider that the things which have been written upon the plates of brass are true; and they testify that a man must be obedient to the commandments of God. Wherefore, ye need not suppose that I and my father are the only ones that have testified, and also taught them. Wherefore, if ye shall be obedient to the commandments and endure to the end, ye shall be saved at the last day. And thus it is. Amen." I love the last words, "And thus it is" It is just a very commanding statement. He is just saying, so here it is, it is what it is. This is truth, no "if" "ands" or "buts". Be obedient and endure, that is just it.

No questions are stupid...right?

Ok, so now I am reading Chapter 21 of 1 Nephi. Who is speaking here? Is this Nephi quoting scripture from Isaiah? I realize that I should know, but I feel confused and I am not sure that I can move on until I understand who is speaking. In verse 2 it says, "And he that made my mouth like a sharp sword; in the shadow of his hand hath he hid me, and made me a polished shaft; in his quiver hath he hid me;" So who is this speaking? Who's mouth was made like a sharp sword? Please tell me.

compare Isaiah 48

So I know it is just me feeling intimidated because everyone talks about Isaiah like it is so important and difficult. I totally bought into and now I guess I get to undo it. So Chapter 20 in 1 Nephi compares ti Isaiah 48. I haven't read that yet, but I will probably do that tomorrow. There are 2 verses that stood out to me. verse 10, "For, behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." I think this one stuck out to me because I feel like this is a lesson that I understand...hopefully. I know that when we are going through trials and affliction it is for our own good. I believe in that greatly. I don't always love it, but I realize that as a truth. I like how the scripture says it is how we are getting refined, well whoever the Lord was speaking to at the time, but it applies to us as well. We do get refined by our trials because they force us to search for peace, they inspire me to be better, and most importantly they humble us so that we can turn to the Lord and remember Him and all His love. The more we can have those opportunities the more refined we will become. So, unfortunately trials and affliction are a good thing. It is also a good example to how we can help our children build character. We need to let them suffer through trials as well so that they can grow and learn and become refined. If I can do a good job building a relationship with my children then they will remember my love and be humbled and come to me for help. I hope I can do that. I know many times that I have remembered the love of my parents and humbled myself to go to them during my time of need. I am so thankful that they have always loved me and taught me that I need to ask them for help when I need it. They always made sure I knew that they are there for me.

The last verse in this chapter says, "And notwithstanding he hath done all this, and greater also, there is no peace, saith the Lord, unto the wicked." So don't be wicked...you won't have any peace. Nothing fancy, just a really good reminder...wicked=no peace. Who would want that?

Getting Nervous

So I am getting nervous. I am getting nervous because we are getting closer to the Isaiah chapters. There will be a few in 1 Nephi AND THEN MORE MORE MORE in 2 Nephi. I know some people LOVE these chapters, but they intimidate me. My mind doesn't quite work in the way they are written, but I have HIGH HOPES that this time around I will be patient and that everyone else will help me. But enough of my fears, more on 1 Nephi chapter 19.

Verse 17 says, yea, and all the earth shall see the salvation of the Lord, saith the prophet; every nation, kindred, tongue and people shall be blessed." Here Nephi is writing of the more sacred things and is making a record of what he knows of the Lord. After he has told of how the world will judge the Savior and scourge him and smite him and spit upon him he talks of how the earth shall see the salvation of the Lord. I skipped a lot in the middle there, but this scripture I love and it stood out to me. Nephi mentions this that he has learned from another prophet, Zenos. I love it when Nephi speaks of other prophets because again, it shows how the Lord works. How the Lord teaches us through our prophets. That hasn't changed, it is still the same and I love that He still blesses us with a living prophet to guide us. I think anytime I read about the Savior and his salvation being shown I feel joy inside. There is so much love that can be felt in learning of His love and the salvation that is there for us to take. After this verse Nephi says, "And I, Nephi, have written these things unto my people that perhaps I might persuade them that they would remember the Lord their Redeemer." (v.18) I love this as well. When I read the scriptures I sometimes can just feel the love from these prophets of old. They wrote these records with so much love and energy for their posterity, for us. The whole purpose of him writing all this is to persuade us to remember the Lord, our Redeemer. How many times do we ourselves say things to persuade others towards something we feel is important? I know my parents have said much to me my whole life to help me live a good life because they knew what would give me real happiness. I didn't ALWAYS listen, but I am glad I usually did. I feel that anxiousness that I think Nephi feels with my own children. I wonder if they will know what I feel and how important the knowledge that we are children of God and that our Savior lives and that through faith and obedience we will have joy and be redeemed is. Was that a run on sentence? Anyways, I think Nephi feels that same anxiousness and writes and speaks to us with so much energy because he wants to make sure we see the importance of what is in the scriptures. He is constantly bearing his testimony to us of our Savior. That is another learning lesson that I want to incorporate into my life. I want to constantly be bearing my testimony to my children and by the way I interact and live I hope that I will be bearing my testimony to others as well. I don't mean I want to be weird and crazy where I am scaring my family or weirding them out, I just mean that I want to do it more when the Spirit guides me. I just wanted to make that clear, not in a weird crazy way, a good led by the Spirit way.

Verse 23, "And I did read many things unto them which were written in the books of Moses; but that I might more fully persuade them to believe in the Lord their Redeemer I did read unto them that which was written by the prophet Isaiah; for I did liken all the scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning." Again Nephi reads from other records to persuade his brethren to believe in the Lord. I love that. I love the end where he says he "...did liken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning." I feel like that is kind of the only way I know how to study the scriptures is by mostly thinking about how it applies to my own life. I am not so great at the more scholarly type of learning, although maybe one day I will get there. I do love to apply the scriptures to me because it makes them make sense to me. It helps me to see why we have them and why they are so important. When I liken the scriptures to my life well I always finish feeling inspired and motivated to act on my faith more diligently.

Plates of Ore

I have moved on to 1 Nephi 19. This chapter begins by talking about Nephi being commanded to make plates of ore to record the ministry and prophecies, the more plain and precious parts of them. Hopefully I read that correctly. But what I was thinking about was the time and effort of what he was commanded to do. I am simple minded so when I read the scriptures and read about Nephi making these plates I somehow just think of it like pulling out a piece of paper and writing. But I am not dumb, I know that it took a lot more work and effort to do so. Once again, makes me feel tired just thinking of what he may have had to do to make the plates and then on top of that I am sure the word "engrave" doesn't mean writing with a pencil, so that was probably a lot of labor as well. I don't write in my journal as often as I would like to and it is because I just put it off and then the day is over, but for me I have such luxuries like pen and paper or even the computer and it isn't hard to keep a journal. I am just always impressed with Nephi's obedience and diligence. I know those attributes are what bring us the greatest joy in our lives because we know inside ourselves we are doing with is correct. I just want to stop and say that I love Nephi. I love him because he is a true man of God. He is just a man, a man who wants to live a righteous life and has a true love for those around him. He has a deeper understanding of the what the Lord wants and I think the Plan of Salvation. He is courageous and strong and unwavering in his faith. I would love to be a great as this and hope that I will get there.

In verse 7 Nephi says, "for the things which some men esteem to be of great worth, both to the body and soul, others set at naught and trample under their feet. Yea, even the very God of Israel do men trample under their feet; I say , trample under their feet but I would speak in other words--they set him at naught, and hearken not to the voice of his counsels." When I read scriptures like this I think of the men that do not hearken to the the voice of the Lord of like the big time sinners. I think of men that contend with the prophets and are vocal about it and work hard to sway believers away. But the more I have been studying I wonder if this is something I should be more cautious of. When our Prophet gives us counsel am I 100 percent obedient...that is almost impossible for me, so am I what Nephi is talking about? Maybe slightly, I know I have a great desire to be good and to be obedient so I don't think I fall under this category, but I do think that I am weak in some areas and don't take as much care to them. I am not always consistent serving others and I think that is important counsel for our lives and happiness and in becoming more like Christ. I know I need to esteem it as great worth and I hope that me not being as good at it doesn't throw me into this category I don't want to be in. But I guess I can relate it to the weaker areas that I have and recognize that I can change it and hearken to the counsel of the Lord better. I know that maybe I sound hard with recognizing where I go wrong. I know my desires are righteous, I think I am just really searching for improvement. I know I have weaknesses, I don't like them and want to make them strengths. So as I am studying I think this is just how I tend to look at what I am reading. I hope my posts don't seem negative, but positive for the good things we can change to be.

very short comment today

so the last verse of chapter 18 it says, "and it came to pass that we did find upon the land of promise, as we journeyed in the wilderness, that there were beasts in the forests of every kind, both the cow and the ox, and the ass and the horse, and the goat and the wild goat, and all for the use of men..." I know that whatever is written in the scriptures has a purpose and is of great importance. I have always been curious about when they mention specific animals and why that is important. I am still wondering. Can anyone enlighten me? That is what I want to learn about this week.

typos

I was reading back on some of my entries. I am sorry for all my typos. I totally don't proof read...OBVIOUSLY. I try hard to make the time to write, my goal is to write daily but that has proven to be a little difficult, but I am still trying for that. To proof read might be too much for me, so eventhough I am sorry for how bad it reads you will have to just be ok with it.

1 Nephi 18 begins with Nephi's brothers being good and helping him. They had been humbled. When the ship was finished they saw that it was really good and humbled themselves again. Isn't it crazy what a rollercoaster their lives are. In verse 9 it says, "...after we had been driven forth before the wind for the space of many days, behold, my brethren and the sons of Ishmael and also their wives began to make themselves merry, insomuch that they began to dance, and to sing, and to speak with much rudeness, yea, even that they did forget by what power they had been brought thither, yea, they were lifted up unto exceeding rudeness." I was thinking about this. I can imagine that after the ship was done and they were on the sea they probably started to relax a little. They let loose and started to fall into old habits. I have been there. I think it is interesting that Nephi mentions their rudeness. I remember in high school how fun or funny it seemed to be to be rude. I am a totally sarcastic person and knowing my limits with that has been a difficult lesson. I like reading this and seeing that allowing ourselves to be lifted up in rudeness is a sign for us, that we are starting to move in the wrong direction. I think that it is hard to see when we are slowing moving off the path and that it is important to take note of some signs...like rudeness or idleness. These are things we can check ourselves against to make sure we are staying on the right path.

So moving on...Nephi of course gets bound with cords and gets to endure even more abuse from his brothers who have forgotten about what has humbled them. So the Lord shows his strength again by almost swallowing them up in the sea, when they were scared for their lives they released Nephi. Nephi is SO GOOD! His reaction is to praise the Lord and not murmur. I think mine would have been to do something harmful and say some things to Laman and Lemuel!

I was thinking about them sailing in the sea. I bet that was a scary thing. I would not love to sail across the ocean first of all. I would not want to do it in a boat I built. I would not want to go with a bunch of people who don't know where they are going! Their faith is amazing that they did this knowing that the Lord would take them and guide them as long as they were faithful. I wonder how Laman and Lemuel were not afraid to do wrong...I mean obviously their testimony wasn't where it should have been, but still...I would have been more careful while I was in the ocean. I wonder how long it took them to sail. Is this something I should know? I wonder if I would doubt that we would get to where we were supposed to go. I wonder if I doubt that I will get to where I should be...if I do I better stop. I know that I have instruction and guidance, but it isn't always obvious to me.

Patterns of the Lord

I really get excited when I start to recognize patterns that the Lord has for us. It helps strengthen my testimony to know that He has a plan, He uses it with His children and also lets us learn and see from those before us. The later part of 1 Nephi 17 Nephi is confounding his brothers for all their grossness...ok that was my own word, but it is how I describe people or myself when we are being ungrateful or complaining or whining. Nephi uses examples from the Bible to teach his brothers and to show them the patterns of the Lord. Beginning in verse 23 he starts to ask questions of Moses as a teaching tool. The hard part is when he compares Laman and Lemuel to the children of Israel when they hardened their hearts. He also says to them in verse 45, "Ye are swift to do iniquity but slow to remember the Lord your God. ye have seen an angel, and he spake unto you; yea, ye have heard his voice from time to time; and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words; wherefore, he has spoken unto you like unto the voice of thunder, which did cause the earth to shake as if it were to divide asunder." This scripture always kind of gets to the center of my soul when I read it. In some ways I feel nervous and start to think back in my life to what I know and what miracles I have seen or when the Spirit has spoken to me and then I think about where I am swift in iniquity and slow remembering the Lord. I have this problem where I am sometimes fast to really remember the Lord when I need a lot of help. For example, while we waited forever and forever for Elias' job to come I prayed for it...but I wasn't necessarily the best at making sure I read my scriptures daily or other things I needed to be doing in my life because my desire was in the right place. As the time got longer and longer I started praying harder and doing the right things more because of my need. I know that is not the right way to do things, but it is what it is. Those experiencing make me feel a little bad that my natural desire wasn't there first and I wasn't naturally motivated to the right things because I remembered the Lord and because I was humble enough.

After Nephi speaks he tells them not to touch him or they will whither like a dried up reed. He was so filled with the Spirit. In verse 53 the Lord tells him to stretch forth his hand and he will shock the brothers so ..."that they may know that I am the Lord their God." So Nephi does and they were shocked. I thought this was interesting because they already were not touching Nephi. I asked myself why the Lord thought to show them yet ANOTHER very obvious sign that he is the Lord. I wonder if it wasn't just for Laman and Lemuel. They have had so much proof already that to continue to give it to them seems worthless. I wonder if it was also for Nephi. Nephi wasn't asking for signs and his faith was unbelievable, but maybe the Lord was giving him this little bit of goodness to strengthen him even more and as a blessing for him not questioning. I think Heavenly Father does this sometimes, does things for another or to another, but really as a blessing for someone that isn't as obvious. Was that totally confusing? I can't think of any particular experiences of my own, but I bet if I think long enough about it I would begin to see some.

The last verse of the chapter is Laman and Lemuel having knowledge of the Lord. it is hard to read about these instances because I know they wont' keep their testimony. It is probably hard for the Lord to watch us flip flop back and forth as well. I am starting to realize that it must be so annoying for the Lord to watch me grow. I wonder how my parents could even handle it? I was a pretty cute kid though, so that has to make up for some of it:)

How would you feel if you had to just all of a sudden make a ship?

So 1 Nephi 17...wow. After all the hard work Nephi has done he has to be tired from traveling, keeping his faith, dealing with the opposition his brothers give him and caring for his family. Nephi is so good to name their great blessings at the beginning of the chapter. How many of us would name allthe great afflictions? He mentions afflictions, but he is specific about the great blessings. I think that is a fantastic example of how we need to live our lives. So after this and some years later the Lord tells him to go up a mountain(vs.7) and when he gets there (vs. 8) the Lord says, "Thou shalt construct a ship, after the manner which I shall show thee, that I may carry thy people across these waters." I think my heart would sink a little if I was given this commandment. I think I would feel tired, overwhelmed and maybe a little like...when will this ever end. But I do think we can take this and look in our past and see what "ships" we were asked to construct. There are times we are asked to do something unexpected and overwhelming for us. I know that for me, when I felt I needed to serve a mission, it was sudden but it was clear to me. I think that was a "construct a ship" moment in my life. I was scared and nervous, but I obeyed and did it immediately and was blessed greatly for it. So maybe I wouldn't sink in my heart, actually I think I did a little when I felt I needed to go on a mission, but then it turned to excitement and wonder. I think we take Nephi's experience and keep it somewhere inside of us for when we have more "construct a ship" moments in our lives so that we can have courage and faith the move forward more boldy. The more we practice this the greater the work we can accomplish with the Lord.

Later in the chapter Laman and Lemuel tell Nephi that he is a fool to think he could construct a ship. I wonder if it is just annoying to Nephi to have to deal with them over and over and over again. I personally get so annoyed with constant negativity. It irritates me to hear negative things all the time because I am a believer that if there is a will, there is a way. Learned that one from my mom and I will always hear those words forever ringing in my mind. However, I can see that maybe it was hard for Laman and Lemuel to believe because it probably seemed so far out of left field for Nephi to construct a ship. If they had any faith they would have been able to believe, but I do see where they are coming from. I hope I have never limited myself or another because of unbelief in someone or not enough faith in the Lord. I would really feel terrible. Also, maybe Laman and Lemuel were feeling jealous or their pride really kicked in because their younger brother was so amazing and could accomplish anything because of his faith. Maybe that was a hard pill for them to swallow and so all they could do was be negative and try to bring him down to failure. I think that that is a natural behavior for some people as well. It is good to recognize how these prideful ways can be very devastating and limiting to what can really be accomplished.

by small means the Lord can bring about great things

I love this phrase. So, still in 1 Nephi 16 ( I am slow...but I am trying to think about things longer instead of moving quickly) the Lord tells Lehi to look upon the liahona and he sees things that make him fear and tremble (vs. 26-27). Later in verse 29 it talks of a new writing that gave them understanding concerning the ways of the Lord. It continutes to say that the writing changed from time to time according to their faith and diligence and that by small means the Lord can bring about great things. I think this is symbolic of our lives now. I am sure that was a very obvious observation on my part, but saying it out loud makes it more real in my mind. The way we are led in life changes from time to time according to our faith and diligence. Looking back during specific times in my life I can see that now. I wish I could see it for tomorrow because I might be a little smarter about my decisions...about the small things that I do. The Lord brings about great things by small means. Don't you think we do the same. If we spend a little time each day reading to our children, don't you think it creates a great difference in their lives as they grow...it will most likely develop a love for reading, which in turn gives them more knowledge as they learn through reading. Serving others, even in small ways, not only helps them, but helps us become examples and to become more Christ-like...which is a big thing. It really is the small decisions we make daily that probably make the biggest difference in our lives and in the lives of others. I think the Lord made it that way because the small things are the most difficult to pay attention to and the most difficult to make sure we do. Like scripture study...is it really THAT time consuming...does it take so much out of me to do...no, but it is a challenge on some days to make sure I am being diligent enough to get it done. The same with prayer...it is a gift to us to be able to communicate with our Father in Heaven, so why is it sometimes a challenge to do it and do it from our hearts? Maybe I am giving too much away about myself and maybe I am the only one who has these weird struggles, but I don't think I am alone. These are the small things that if we ignore can devastate our lives, but if we pay attention and are faithful and diligent with them, the Lord will make great things happen in our lives. I know that this is true...when I read it and think of my own experiences this is something that I do know is true.

Whither shall I go to obtain food?

In chapter 16 Nephi breaks his bow and his brothers are angry and they don't bring home dinner. It must have been awful. To know you might starve is scary and I think we have all experienced the grumpiness of being hungry. Babies cry, adults get grumpy. We read about how even Lehi with all the faith he has shown, even he complained to the Lord. This must have been the breaking point I think. Nephi speaks with the "energy of his soul" and they humbled themselves. The important part of this story is Nephi, after making another bow out of wood, goes and asks his father, "Whither shall I go to obtain food?" He saw his father give in to murmuring, but still gave him the respect and confidence. Instead of breaking him down for his error, he builds him up by showing his respect and that he still trusts in him. This is an amazing attribute a person can have. I badly want this attribute because I think my family would greatly benefit from it. I am not quite sure how to get it. In the class I am taking it talked about treating a man as the person he ought to be and he will become that person. I think of my children and wonder how I can do that. I sometimes wonder if I am doing the opposite of that and the thought mortifies me because that is NOT the type of mother or parent I want to be. I want to be encouraging, motivating, trusted and nurturing. How did Nephi know that it was the right thing to do to still ask his father? How do I treat the people in my life in that same respect?

the guilty take the truth to be hard

1 Nephi 16 begins talking about what happens after Nephi is done speaking to his brothers. They tell him the things he says are more than the can bear. Nephi later says in vers 2, "...wherefore, the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center" Have you ever felt this feeling? I have in 2 different ways. In one way it is a little more innocent, when I have made a mistake or accident and when I realize it I get that awful feeling inside...the pit in my stomache. I don't think it is the same thing, but the feeling I think relates. When I have done something wrong and it wasn't an accident and I am confronted with that truth it IS hard. It really does cut a person to the center and at the point we have to make a choice...to humble ourselves and take responsibility for our actions and repent or to be prideful and deny it or be angry because of our embarrassment. I will admit it, I have done both, but I am glad to say I usually choose the first option.

More from 15

In 1 Nephi 15:11 Nephi says to his brothers, "Do ye not remember the things which the Lord hath said? If ye will not harden your hearts , and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you." I didn't realize before how often the Lord tells us that he will reveal things to us, or make things known, or show us the mysteries of God, we just need to be faithful, obedient and we need to ask. We just need to make sure we are asking the right things, the things we are supposed to ask. Its another puzzling area to me, because I am not quite sure how one knows what to ask. I think it is an area where we need to be one with the Lord, we need to seek His will and then we will know what to ask and what to do. I sometimes feel like I ask or the same thing on a daily basis, help with how I am with my children, ask for good health, joy and happiness. What should I really be asking though. Probably more specifics, what I should be doing to be a missionary, who I should be helping or serving, how to give peace to another...those are probably more along the lines of what I should be asking, and maybe even more testimony building questions so that my faith grows.

After this Nephi goes on to explain about Lehi's comparison of the House of Israel to the olive tree. This is what Laman and Lemuel were not understanding, but because Nephi has inquired of Lord to know these things he understood what his father had said. In verse 20 Laman and Lemuel were pacified by Nephi's speaking and they humbled themselves. The rest of the chapter is of them asking questions and Nephi giving them answers. I thought it was interesting that it was AFTER they humbled themselves that they began to ask questions instead of arguing. It is a lesson to me that if I am arguing with someone I maybe need to stop, be more humble and begin asking questions about what I am not understanding. Taht would help communication and to keep the spirit of contention out of my life more.

When I read I had more thoughts, I remember thinking more, but since I didn't post while I was reading the thoughts have left me. That should teach me to be better at saving a time to post while I read. I really like chapter 15, I think there is a lot to learn in this chapter. Its one that I feel like I will get something really important everytime I read it.

Back on Track

Ok, I am back and ready to prioritize my thinking out loud blog. So to back up a few days. I studied 1 Nephi 15 for the last few days. There is a lot of information in this chapter. Verse 3 I think had a very important message in it. The beginning of the chapter talks about Nephi returning to the tent of his father after being carried away in the spirit and his brothers were disputing what his father had told them. Verse 3 says, "For he truly spake many great things unto them which were hard to be understood, save a man should inquire of the Lord; and they being hard in their hearts, therefore they did not look unto the Lord as they ought." The part where he said that the things said were hard to understand save a man should inquire of the Lord really stood out to me. There have been many times in my life when I haven't understood things my parents have cautioned me of and I was hard in my heart thinking they were crazy and I didn't seek confirmation from the Lord...the result of my actions...2 totalled cars within 2 years of my life! How I would go back and inquire of the Lord and not have driven those 2 times! It would have saved me a lot of heartache...BELIEVE ME...alot of heartache. The only wrong thing I did was not listen and trust my parents when they said they didn't think I should drive during those 2 situations. There was a just a feeling for them, like they knew something bad was going to happen. Luckily the Lord spared me from injury, its too bad it took me a few times to learn my lesson. It does lead me to the question, "How many times should I have inquired of the Lord and didn't?" "How would my life be different today if I had?" "When I am not in agreement with my Spouse, instead of arguing what I feel is important at the moment should I be stopping and inquire of the Lord about the things that are being said?" That seems like a no brainer...but who actually has the willpower to do it? I need to try to do that...darn my stubborness! "Over how many different things a day should I be inquiring of the Lord?" "Can I inquire too much?" Not 10 questions Joe, but getting pretty close. Maybe when I finish the Book of Mormon this go around I will start over with a 10 questions a verse...that would be interesting I think. I kind of like the idea. I would learn a lot!

Moving on, Verses 5 and 6 Nephi talks about how he was overcome because of his afflictions from seeing the fall of his people. I wonder sometimes if President Monson has seen our future as a people. Do you think he has seen and feels that sorrow or affliction. I am sure he becomes overcome, but I wonder what he has seen and what a heavy burden he must carry. That would be so hard. I have a raised level of respect and love for him and all the prophets after thinking about this more. Sometimes I think I still seperate our prophets today from the ones in the Book of Mormon, but again I think they experience such similar things.

Verse 8, "...Have ye inquired of the Lord?" I just love this verse because I think we shoudl ask this to ourselves daily. I wish I could remember to do it, but I think it needs to be done. My day would be so much more accomplished if I would.

I have to get dinner ready for my husband now..he will be home in a minute...so more on chapter 15 tomorrow. This is a great one I think!

I didn't skip, I promise.

I didn't skip yesterday and I am not skipping today, I just haven't had a minute to sit down and post, so you will get it all tomorrow. Just wanted everyone to know that I haven't given up! Until tomorrow then...

Lost treasures

Do you know why it is so good to read the scriptures over and over and over again? I have always known logically, but as I read and think I am realizing how much I have forgotten or not noticed previously. For instance, 1 Nephi 14. I don't remember realizing that Nephi was shown a great deal that he was forbidden to write about because another prophet or others have been commanded or will be commanded to write about those things like the end of the world. It was so weird to me while I was reading today that I never realized or remembered this part. Not that I think it is something that has totally enlightened my mind or anything, its just that recognizing how much more we get everytime we read has been really significant to me. So most of the this chapter was speaking of the great and abominable church again. I don't know why, but it just isn't a very striking subject for me right now. I wonder if I was really gung ho at the beginning of starting this blog and my study and worry that some of that enthusiasm is wearing off. I think I won't stay this way, I think maybe it is just the subject matter. Like I said, maybe the importance of the subject is a little beyond my level at the moment. I don't know. I still enjoy studying and reading, I am just not having so many thoughts being triggered. Hmmmm...I wonder if I should have even more supliment reading on the subject matter to learn a little more. Anyone have suggestions? What I do know is when this angel speaking to Nephi is all over, Nephi MUST be so exhausted. Could you imagine seeing so many things? I think I would be panicking trying to commit it all to memory. Also, I wonder if it was hard for him not to write things down that he saw. I think sometimes when we are told a secret and told not to tell it almost makes it even harder NOT to tell. That temptation almost becomes more difficult. Not that the vision was a secret, but the just the concept. Nephi was so righteous I am sure it wasn't too much of a temptation...that was probably just a silly thought just for myself. That's why I am not the one being lifted up to a mountain and being shown all kinds of things!

So I know, not a real insightful post. I really tried to see and feel what I shoudl learn from this chapter, but I am feeling a little blank. Maybe if I study a little more on it something will come.