The Beginning

Ok, so blogging isn't new to me because I have a personal family blog just for family to read. However, public blogging is very scary and intimidating to me because I am very used to shying away from attention and throwing myself out there for criticism and mocking. Don't get me wrong, I am a confident person, just very private. But the thought of starting my studies and having others involved in teaching me and giving me new insight is very exciting.

I have been struggling to be consistent in my studies of the scriptures and I just found these great online courses at BYU for self improvement. The best part is that they are free, but it is an actual college course designed by a professor there I think. At least what I did today felt like I was in school again and I really enjoyed it. So in the this blog I have decided that I am going to follow this course just record the things that have popped out at me, any thoughts I might have or questions.

Oh, I guess I was maybe not so clear in what I am studying. I am studying the Book of Mormon. If you want to know the course I am doing you just need to go to www.BYU.edu website and at the blottom of the homepage there should be a selection of courses online. Browse through the self improvement courses and you will find it. They have some others that I am excited to look at when I am done with this one. If you haven't heard of the Book of Mormon before or if you don't have one and you don't know what I am talking about you can go to this link (http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/basic-beliefs/free-media/free-media?gclid=CN7dyoejrpwCFQ_yDAodvBPDk) and order yourself one.

Yesterday and today I spent studying the introduction of the Book of Mormon, why it is so important to me and to everyone and its purpose. There are a lot of things that I already know, but the thing that REALLY jumped out at me was the fact that true Prophets of God kept these records for OUR day. These were not records for the people at that time, they were made for US. Why would God find these records so important to preserve them to come forth in these days for us? That was an important question I asked myself today. First, why wouldn't he preserve records and instruction for us today? He has done it before and He has always worked through living prophets. Also, it is because He promised to bring His gospel to the earth again. He needed to have an untampered record for us to follow so we would have the FULLNESS of His gospel. He gave us these scriptures to save us from condemnation and gave warning that we are not to take them lightly. I realize that I have been taking them lightly recently. It is easy for me to feel like I am reading stories, but I felt today that I wasn't reading a fairytale, but I was reading a record or like a journal from many Prophets of God. They knew that these records were important and they lived to follow God's commands to live righteously and to make a record for us.

When I think about all of this it makes me think about what God's will for me is today and tomorrow and everyday. In someways I feel good about what I do, and in other ways I feel like I am definately not focused on the important things and I am not serving the Lord enough. Right now in my life I am craving that goodness that comes from really REALLY living for the Lord and really REALLY seeking out His will. This may sound a little bad, but when I start to think about it it scares me a little because it feels overwhelming and tiring. I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way sometimes.

Several years ago I served a mission in Sendai Japan and I remember being in the MTC and leaving my family and being on my own. I all of a sudden felt nervous because I knew I wanted to be completely obedient and put my whole heart and soul into and the thought of making sure I did that seemed very overwhelming and tiring. I was afraid I wouldnt' be able to do it. But I am glad I got rid of that fear and nervousness and just threw myself in there and risked failure because I loved serving as a missionary and I see now what my purposes were there. I can honestly say that throwing myself in and not being afraid of tiredness and failure has left me with NO REGRETS!

Now that I am done typing this first entry it is interesting to me to see what was flowing in my mind. There may not have been flowing thoughts to anyone who is reading and you might have to connect the dots, but at least for me there was flowing. Not really what I was expecting, but I feel good right now and I am glad I am doing this.