The Mysteries of God

So I am still studying in 1 Nephi 2 and 3. I was thinking this morning that one of my problems in studying is a lack of patience. I naturally just try to read real fast so I can see the progess of my work. But this time I want to go slowly and really try to think about the things I am reading. The class I am doing is really helping me because there are questions for me to answer that help me think about things I would normally skip over. So yesterday I read chapters 2 and 3 and today I am answering questions. So...some new things stuck out at me today as I was answering questions.

The first one was the verse in 1 Nephi 2:16, "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless being large in stature, and also having great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did belive all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers." In the past when I have read this scripture I usually think Nephi being young and large because it portrays a hero to me and I think he is a hero. And I think of how he is a good son because he did what he needed to do so he could have faith in his father. Or what I have been taught about...and that is the fact that he went to find out for himself what he should instead of just following with blind faith. The words that stuck out to me today were"...having great desires to know the MYSTERIES of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord;" For some reason, and you will most likely think this is strange, but whenever I read or hear about the mysteries of God I invision mysteries about the universe or something on a much larger scale that I don't feel apply to me at this time, something I can't wrap my mind around. Is that weird of me? Anyways, today when I was reading this part I felt like maybe he was talking about the mysteries in terms of why they were being led out of Jeruselem, why they were leaving all their things behind and going on this difficult journey, or maybe just confirming that his father isn't crazy and really being led by the Lord as a prophet of God. It occurred to me that mysteries can be close to home, not just far out there unexplainable sciencey(not a real word, I know, but I just make words up to explain myself) type things. I don't know that I always have the great desire to know the mysteries, not even the ones close to home for me because I guess I just always try to go with the flow. But it is important to have the desire for knowledge because it can lead us to a greater faith and to have a deeper understanding of God's will for us. I am excited to have realized this today. It really has opened up my mind a little more for things that I should and could be praying about.

Next thing that jumped out at me. 1 Nephi 2:18, "But, behold, Laman and Lemuel would not hearken unto my words; and being grieved because of the hardness of their hearts I cried unto the Lord for them: So here is my confession. I am stubborn. VERY stubborn. Everyone who knows me knows this. I am not so sure that my heart would be grieving like Nephi's and I know for a fact that it is really difficult for me to pray or cry unto the Lord for those who oppose me. I don't think that it is uncommon for me to feel like this, but that isn't an excuse for me to not change those things. So I write this as a rmeinder to myself that I should not get angry and frustrated when not being listened to, but grieved and that I should CRY unto the Lord. I think this advice will come in handy when my children are teenageers, so I better start practicing now so it will be natural for me later!

Last thought for today, 1 Nephi 3:15-16 "...As the Lord liveth, and as we live, we will not go down unto our father in the wilderness until we have accomplished the thing which the Lord hath commanded us. Wherefore, let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord..." This is what Nephi said to his brothers after Laban threw out Laman threatening to slay him. Now...if I was commanded to do something and then I go to do it and it doesn't work out...I think I would feel discouraged. Maybe even question whether or not I was really commanded to do so. I have to ask myself...would I keep trying. Would I keep fighting the trial to accomplish this specific commandment? Would I still trust that I was actually commanded to do that thing? I often am not sure if I am truly feeling the Spirit or if they are my own thoughts and movements. There have been times in my life when I have known without doubt that I have been prompted by the Spirit and I am thankful for those experiences because they in large hold together my testimony. What I really want now is to figure out the smaller promptings and to be able to recognize them. How do I learn how to do that? And how do I make sure that if I don't succeed at fulfilling what I think is a prompting that I don't doubt myself and give up?

Am I totally random? These first few chapters have so much in them and so much to think about. Just wait until the Isaiah chapters, I have never understood them well...you will probably just get one sentence out of me then, if I can even understand enought to get that much out!